What are you looking for?
thoughts.. sex kinda ?
6 months ago · · Ranting, · Explicit
for someone who wants to wait for marriage, i do think about sex a lot.
it’s on me cause there’s a lot of that intimacy in the books i read, some movies/shows here and there that i watch…
but here’s the thing, my “sex media” consumption isn’t excessive, i don’t watch porn either. i’ve seen a video in middle school cause of my friends making fun of it but i haven’t let it skew my view of sex.
tmi but yes i’ve experimented with myself a bit, out of curiosity. it’s just weird i don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. i bet a lot of people cant talk about it either.
rough fucking seems cool but there’s something about making love that just… gets to me? haha. amongst other things, i definitely believe that in having sex with someone, a part of you goes to them and vice versa. there’s the chemistry/scientific side too. oxytocin and what not.
sounds messed up but the world is corrupt and people are imperfect and will probably let you down - but i still believe that there’s someone out there who will love me and see me the way i see myself? i will never be able to love myself perfectly, but then again i don’t see myself the way other people see me.
i watched Endless Love on netflix (cause i LOVE brooke shields and i loved the concept of Blue Lagoon), but endless love kinda pissed me off haha. i could feel that they both loved each other so much, but i just couldn’t believe that someone could love another so badly that they couldn’t just wait 30 days to see each other again? ik ik it’s just a movie but still.
there was a person i thought i loved but i was just immature at the time and didn’t understand the importance of my priorities. now i just feel very headstrong about my goals and idk i feel like i have a lot of life to live and a lot of work to do and a lot of education to get- does love really do that to you?
the people i watched the movie with told me that i would understand once i experienced it- the type of love that pushes you to keep going. life without the other person feels uncomfortable and out of place, like an itch you can’t scratch. apparently it’s the type of love that invades your whole body and mind not just your heart.
man.. where was i? right, sex. orgasms sound great but i cant stop thinking about the process of getting there. the build up and the tension and sounds and the heat and smell and sweat and taste and wow.
yk sometimes these thoughts are so intrusive. they come OUT OF NOWHERE. i will literally be eating soup and get a dirty thought. i will be studying and watching a video on cell communication and then next thing i know i’m fantasizing about who knows what. i don’t have an s/o or anything. idek this is random.
i hope i didn’t make anyone uncomfortable but yeah this is a glimpse of my frustration and curiosity and dreaming and thoughts.
i think making love and sex are so special but for some reason i can’t stop thinking about it lately? i’ve taken a few cold showers and it just doesn’t help. weird but yeah !