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2 months ago · · Stress,
There are days where I feel mentally and physically drained. Frustration keeps taking over my mind and is not easy to remove it. In my case school seems to be the major problem of why I'm feeling all of these emotions taking over me. I have never been good at math but I am getting worse and worse. It seems like I don't retain what I learn makes me angry at myself and frustrated. I been having exams and yeah I haven't passed them. I'm trying to be optimistic about this because I am trying in other people's eyes it may seem like I don't care but I do. Imagine studying and on the day of the test, your mind goes blank? that's what happens to me. I feel pressured because a lot of people expect a lot from me. I start fighting with my own mind. when I'm feeling drained I go stand in the mirror and look at my face and tell myself that I can do it that this is just a challenge that everything will be better that I will pass my test but my head is saying otherwise. is hard to shut those negative thoughts I always end up with tears in my face. I am a person that will keep everything to myself but when I'm feeling down I write on my notes. Today I was doing my second part of a math test in my first-period class and my mind was blank. the period ended and I didn't finish most of the questions were blank, mind you this is a college class. I leave school in my 5th period because i have early dismissal so I told her I would come to finish the test that period. my mood was bad I wanted to cry because I saw my classmates were doing good. I understand that everybody is different so I try not to compare myself to anybody. my second-period teacher was talking when I suddenly started crying I acted like nothing was happening because i didn't want anybody to see that I was crying. I don't like attention but i really felt like crying and that's when my mind started thinking that maybe I'm just not smart. i wanted to cry my heart out and let all those tears out. i kept wiping my eyes so nobody could see. I was gonna ask the teacher to let me go to the bathroom but i couldn't even speak. I spent my classes with my watery eyes. until I went back to continue the test and my brain wasn't comprehending the problems but I didn't want to give up since this was an important test. I filled all the answers as I possibly could and gave them to the teacher and she looked at me with a face of disappointment. I Had such a bad headache since I was crying prior I just did what I could and left.
It's okay not to be okay I just hope it gets better for me and everyone else.