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Hi. Let me tell you something about my miserable life. I have been friends with this one girl who I call my best friend lets put her name as M. Well me and M have been knowing each other for over 7 years and throughout our friendship we have had issues like any other friends. She's the pretty one and I am the well the ugly one and it was fine. I was used to it. She knew it to. I would be there to her for anything, any issues she had I tried my best to advice her and console her. I always went to her place and hang out. She was a good friend to laugh with and hang out but she was kinda idk toxic. she would never give the support in return, never ask or wonder if im doing ok. she was also the jealous type of friend in some ways she would get mad for me hanging out with someone else assuming I am bad friend. I would always end up apologizing. But I was still her friend. I know her view of me might be different ofc. But I suffered a lot and not once was she that friend I was to her. but it was ok bc she has her own life its fine. Forward to end of summer she was just texting a lot guys like always but now it was older man and some married. hanging out with her was ok she was just talking to them and I just couldn't tell her that what she was doing was just those men grooming her thinking she Is grown but she is still young. but I was just there. Around the end of summer we kinda stopped hanging out but still snapchating and texting here and there. I am horrible at texting people back so I think I stopped texting her back and idk but in me I felt like she was mad or something. so I texted her and apologized for not checking up and just telling her I have been going through It and she suprisingly answered ok she said it was fine and that she hoped we see each other soon. so I felt relieved at the moment. this is where the story goes down and I mess it up again. she had asked if I wanted to work with her. and I said yes why not. she said ok I will tell my manager. and I asked her what exactly is the job and stuff. and she was like oh this and that and I was like ok and then she said she already told the manager and I had to go the next day to interview. I didn't answer afterwards because I was anxious. I have a xtreme anxiety and I just overthink everything so I was anxious about going to a job interview. and I just regretted of saying yes and telling her that I wouldn't be able to go it was scary because I didn't know how she was gonna react. so next day I accidentally woke up super late and I seen her text asking if I was gonna go but it was very late and since I was still anxious and scared of what she might say or be very mad and I knew she might have been. but what I did wrong is that I just never answered her bc I didn't know what to say. months before all of this I had planned to go the movies with two friends I hadn't seen for years. those friends were once close with M but being that way M is they are not close like that and parted ways with each other. but yes we had planned to go out. and that day got there it was two days after I hadn't answered her message. So I went out not only because I hadn't seen them in years but because I have been in deep depression for over three months and stuck in the house so I need to be out and I just didn't think any of it. I had a good time right. they posted on their snapchat stories and I told them not to show me because i knew she would see. they didn't show me but they did posted a pic and in the background u can see my bag and she knows my bag I take that bag everywhere. but I didnt think any of it. I made the mistake of telling them something about M and right there I knew I was gonna get karma back or something and I felt bad bc I wasnt usually like that like to tell others secrets. but I just was like telling them everything that I was struggling and it spilled. but yeah then I got home. and I was checking my socials and I saw that she unfollowed me from insta and unfriended me from snapchat. and I was very very confused as to why but then I was like yup this is the karma that I get. so later I decided to text her that I was sorry for everything I didn't say what exalt bc honestly I didn't know exactly what I did. must have been the whole me not going to the job thingy or hanging with people who she doesn't talk and me hiding it about it or idk. or maybe she found out what I said. but I was very confused because I didn't get no explanation no reason maybe she just wanted to cut me off like that but damn it does kinda hurt because idk exactly what I did. and im just broken. 😞 and maybe it is my fault right ??
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You don't need to apologize for hanging out with other people.
ReplyYou sound like you have a problem where you feel like you need to apologize for everything, including existing. It would be good to do some mind exercises to try and change the way you think.
ReplyIt's better to distance or completely cut off anyone who only brings stress and negative energy towards you. You can find better friends who would empathize with you and understand you, there's no point in staying in a toxic friendship. I know that she might have issues judging from the way she behaves, but we all have issues, and it's really up to the individual. If she wants friends she better act like one, not just befriending you because she can benefit something out of you. You may be hurt from this severed friendship but maybe this is the universe's way of telling you that you've had enough. Too much stress will only harm you, tbh.
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