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Finally accepting that my best friend can be my best friend right now
2 years ago · 1 · Need Advice, +2
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I've written about this on this site a few times through my pain, but today I can kind of see things more clearly.
I have a friend that I love very much. This time last year, we were really, really close and we supported each other so much. I have multiple best friends, but this girl was extra special. I put in the effort and time that I would put into a romantic relationship. I thought of her as my other half and we regarded each other as chosen family.
However, things changed a few months ago. She started replying with one sentence responses to my paragraph emails, not really interacting at school, and just not being as close. It's like we went from knowing everything about each other to pretending we're just acquaintances. It hurt me so bad, but I didn't know what to do. My low self esteem told me it was my fault, that I must have done something wrong, that she must actually hate me. We were each other's support systems, so I suddenly had nobody to talk to. I just spiraled and spiraled.
Today I emailed and asked if we could talk. I told her how I was feeling. She apologized, but said she has been very busy and hasn't been very active in friendships. She's a really busy girl and she's under so, so much pressure to preform perfectly. We agreed that going forward, she needs to tell me when she needs a break.
But to me it's kind of obvious. At least right now, she can't be my best friend. She doesn't have the energy to keep that up and we're going to fall apart if we try and keep that level of closeness now. It's best for her right now, so I'll do it. I love her after all.
But in the meantime, I just feel lost and sad. I've never dated, but I would guess that this is similar to how one would feel when someone they still love says they just want to be friends. I was ready to go the extra mile and she wasn't. It's so simple, yet it hurts so much. I put my everything into this and I still can't help her.
I hope someday we can go back to a version of what once was, but for now, I'm just sad... How do you cope with this?
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