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She wants me to get straight As in school and do everything by myself becuase she says she can't "hold my hand" anymore but she never fucking did. No one did. And now she's getting mad that I don't ask for help of admit that I need it. All I've ever known is to do things alone because no one took care of me. No one is keeping me say they way I need to be kept safe. She wants me to turn to her and talk to her about my issues but god knows if she heard what me weak voice had to say she'd snuff it out like a dying candle. But she won't give me anywhere else to go. She knos that I have wanted to die and she says she won't put me in therapy becuase I can't be trusted and I'll say something that will get her arrested
I shouldn't have anything like that to say to begin with.
I know she's hurting me. she won't ever listen to what I have to say
She wants me to do everything by myself and get straight As so I can get a college scholarship
What if I dont want to go to college at all?
What she doens't fucking understand is that I don't want to live that long but god knows that in just 4 years it will be too late and it feels like there is nothing I can do
But I can't keep doing this
But I have nowhere to go
Becuase mom doesn't understand
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I want to give you hope because i'm in a similar situation to you and giving you hope gives me hope for my situation. I won't just tell you the standard bs about trying to live through your highschool years or whatever as like you said your in danger after that. Your mom is responsible for your well-being and what she wants is second to what you need. Talk to your school counselor and try to get a higher authority to help you, please. I know things like CPS are very touchy from experience and I very narrowly dodged a bullet like that, your mom might be too stubborn though, and if you need therapy before you finish high school, I'd urge you to decide whether your current situation or seeking alternate help is better although they are both very stressful paths. I support whatever decision you choose.
Don't give up hope, you are your own person and you know what you want. Don't let your mother's wishes define you. It is a long and hard path, but you clearly want help, you clearly have your own reasons for living, so do whatever you feel is the best decision for you.
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