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My Unsent Letter
2 months ago · · Love,
I thought writing this would make me feel better. But, I am realizing now that I don't even know what I would say to you if I had the balls to say anything.
Two people like us would never work. Two people that don't know how to express our emotions. They've told me. People have told me that you look at me like its the last look you're ever going to take. And they've told me that I can't stop smiling when you're around. It's true. You don't just make me happy. You make the space around me joyful. It was the most unexpected thing to come into my life. It almost felt like falling in love when you're 16. But in the absolute best way possible. We were foolish. We were stupid. We were happy. You were my coworker. Then my friend. Then my everything. We spent every second together at work. We switched our days off around so we could have our shifts together. Everyone knew what we were doing. We were awful at hiding it. But we thought we were so good. Our shift would end at 9pm. Everyone would say goodbye. We didn't exit those doors until 12am..sometimes 1am. Even sneaking down to the break room just to hold each other and not just act like coworkers for just 3 minutes. Everything we were doing was so wrong. But we both knew it was so right. The way you held me made me feel like that was it. There would be no one else. We were the only thing that mattered. I never thought I would meet someone that would make me want to stay 1 minute longer in my workplace than I had to. But, if it meant I could listen to your stupid jokes, listen to you make fun of my coffee obsession, listen to you make fun of my favourite sports teams- I'd move into the damn place. I was so proud when you got your degree. When you found the job in the line you love. So happy for you. But so unbelievably heartbroken to see you leave. To inevitably drift away. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you at least for a split second. I hope I cross your mind every now and then. I think I met the love of my life at 21. And I think I let it all slip away at 22.