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I feel better with each passing day. My heart aches to see you again and my body hurts knowing that it could be another 3 years before I get to see you again. So, I'm taking matters into my own hands.
I've been looking up every event for the next 3 months in your area. The winter months are slow but things will pick up once the spring hits. I will try to come to you. It won't be that often but it'll be more than once every three years.
One of the reasons I was so depressed after I moved was because I knew I was so far from you. I had to come back to this place, there was no question. The farther I am from you, the worse I feel. I really want to get this second chapter going but I worry about being rejected. I worry about going through all that heartbreak and causing all that grief and stress only for you to tell me that I'm not the right one for you when you don't even know me. Or, worse, that you have no interest in getting to know me.
But none of that matters right now. What matters is that I had an amazing experience with you last week. I'm trying to focus more on the gratitude and fortune of having you so close. I ache so badly because I was too intoxicated and tired to remember the details I had so badly wanted. I remember your scent though. I remember the way you looked in my home. I remember your blue eyes. I remember the way you tongue felt on mine. I remember the color of your hair. I remember the way you said my name. I remember your height.
But I also remember a lot of other things that made me feel bad. I don't want to focus on them since I already made a post about it. I wish you had looked at me more often that night but I'm pretty sure I made you super uncomfortable so I can understand. I'm not you type, which sucks.
I honestly wish whatever was causing me to be so stuck on you would go away. I've been lovesick over you for 5 1/2 years. That's a lot of wasted energy and emotion, especially when you don't feel the same way. Blah. I really hope I get over this because my logic tells me that even if I could be with you, you'd never want me. Why do I feel like this???
Well, I thought I was feeling better and now here I am. I try to dig my way out but I always find myself overflowing with unconditional love for you. I miss and care for you so much, K.
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