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Been a while...
3 weeks ago · · Loneliness,
Cassandra here... better known as Riley in my previous posts. (Cannot remember my password but when I do I will be putting this up there) It's been 2 years since I've wrote my very first entry up here. Since then I've graduated from high school and attend college. Graduating was literally one of the most exciting days of my life and if I could relive that day over and over again I would. I've also gotten my first job and my license so a lot has changed significantly with my life.
If you happen to remember me then you know I had a boyfriend of two years who was my rock. Luckily we are still together and are stronger than ever. He makes me not want to do things that I would regret and I love that.
I bet you're wondering what I'm doing back on an anonymous bloggers website if my life sounds so perfect above but it's definitely not like that. Lately I've been feeling horrible. I feel like my life is at a standstill and I have no purpose at all. For all of my life I've wanted to feel like I belong in this world and that I'm not just a body walking on the earth for nothing. I thought getting a job and my license would make me feel like a normal adult but it has not. I really just want a life that is worth living. Sometimes I want to move to a new country so that I can live the life that I want. Don't get me wrong I have the best family and support system but I feel like I need a lot more. Some of you may think I sound selfish but to me I feel like I am just not in reality like I should be.
For many years I've actually contemplated if I wanted to still be living or not. Sometimes I think about how it would be if I'm dead. Of course my family would be devastated and want me back but in a few years they'd probably forget that I was even apart of their lives. I feel like an honest burden to everyone in my life and me being gone would set them feel from having to deal with me.
Sincerely, Cassandra (Riley)