Living a curse

It's so lonely. All these people around me and none see me. All this love and care around me and none of it's for me. I cry to God to end this pain and all I hear is silence. I cry and say "I'm done, it's enough, I can't take it anymore" and yet no one hears a word. I smile for the world so no one will know. I cry alone at night on the dark so no one else will feel bad. My pain and my hurt is for none to see. No one thinks "is he alone?", No one. I wish I had the strength to end it all. But, I am a coward, in all possible sense of the word, in every possible way. So there's no way I can do it. There's no way I can end it. I see a lorry hurtling towards me and pray maybe this will be it. Just maybe he'll lose control and crash into me.

I hate my life, I am of no value to anyone. If I die, no one will miss me. No one will even really know. I am a curse to others. My decisions are always bad. I do everything wrong. Nothing I do is ever right. It only causes problems for those around me. I am selfish. Most of my decisions are for my gain. For my benefit and I don't stop to think what it does to others. Why would God put a curse like me on this earth and let me fester and rot. Just let it all be over and done with. Let me just die.

Please God, please hear my prayer. Please let me rest now and stop all of this. Please God, I'm tired.

BlackKingfisher