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Hello there!
I got some things I want figure out. Wanted to share my thoughts, hear other points of view, maybe get some advice. Long story short, had no childhood. By that I mean I spent 15+ years in a single room with no one to share interests or at least talk (even online... yeah... great social skills). Eventually I had to socialize. Wasn't easy, but I think I managed. Right now I have just started adult life (university, responsibility, etc.) and I got this feeling of ... regret? Loneliness? May be a feeling of being a failure in general? I don't know what that is, but it's draging me down, slowly, steadily, with dedication. I brought up my childhood earlier, because I think it's what started this mess. It's like I missed a part of my life where I was supposed to learn some sort of wisdom. Ran out of time to make lifelong friends and perhaps to find "my place under the sun", where I'd belong. University didn't really turn out as I expected. As the result there is no bring future on the horizon to follow, no past to fall back to, no people to trust. There is no place left for me exept my own mind, and even that started to go south as of late.
Where do I go? What do I do? Advice, criticism, anything I'll take it.
Writing this gives me an anxiety of a lifetime.
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same! though im still sheltered here at home... I dont really know what to tell you and my ways of coping is just escapism where I make stories and make art to just separate myself. I'm by myself most of the time and my social skill are horrendous. during this time alone my goals are to love myself and express myself through my art without people ruining it for me. it's hard being alone when it turns into loneliness too. I just want you to know you're not alone. I sometimes have thoughts that because I am the way I am I'll eventually run out of time to make my life something Ill be proud of. I would find a creative outlet to help express yourself. do you have trouble expressing yourself? does your personality disappear when you talk to strangers? or do you feel you dont have a personality because you have such little social experience? does that make you insecure? I dont know if we are the same in these aspects but maybe it'll help you look for what you might want to get better at. you can make yourself whoever you want to be. I would also suggest getting a hobby's if you dont have one already. something to be passionate about. dont be too hard on yourself! I cant help you on how to make friends tho ;-; good luck
ReplyThanks. You could say that say that I have a problem expressing myself, because doesn't it mean I must share my art with other people? I am passionate about art. I love drawing and trying to get better at it right now. And since it so happens that I also do programming I dream of combining art and programming and becoming a videogame developer one day. My life goal is somewhat similar. I want to create something I can be proud of, something worthy of the grand expanses of other people's art, but I don't really care about what will happen to me or my life as a result (but I do care about other people and their lives for some reason). But overall, thanks for reading and answering, it helps.
ReplyI had no friends. I had no one to really talk to. I stayed in the house besides school. Went home right after school. Alone during lunch always. My parents were always busy during childhood. I was stuck with my older brother but he always didnt include me in anything- pushed me away when I wanted to be part of it.
Have I experienced regret in my life? Yeah but it wasnt of things listed above. Only thing I regretted was trusting my mom too much relating to education. I believed education was important but its not.
Do I feel lonely? Nope. Never do. Not close to my family. Rarely talked with them. Only other person I have is my partner. We have great bond. Due to child hood, I dont seek people. Im not dependent on them. I feel happy on my own.
Have I felt like a failure? Never. Not even once.
“ I think it's what started this mess. It's like I missed a part of my life where I was supposed to learn some sort of wisdom.”- I gotta say, childhood does matter. But it matters because its a moment where parents should be teaching kids how to proper manage their thoughts and emotions. My parents didnt. But I turned out great in the noggin. But I was lucky. I was born with high curiosity trait. First time I questioned human behavior was when I was in kindergarten. It continually grew to now.
“ regret? Loneliness? May be a feeling of being a failure in general?”- That to me seem like you are not satisfied with life. You feel like things are going wrong but dont know what. So you compare it to other people and assume its your childhood because its different than other people’s. Let me ask you, how do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself or do you feel confused? You said you feel like a failure. Why is that? Is it Because you dont have friends or people you can fall back to like you said? Not having good people around is not your fault. In my opinion good people are rare. It would be weird if people had 5 great amazing people around. That would be lucky. I wish you listed more about what you want in life. All i gathered is you want good people you can trust.
ReplyI guess in life I want to do something I am passionate about, for the people I am passionate about. Right now I feel as if my chance to find those pepole slips away with time. I have never been social, but people still amaze me. I guess what I wish for is to just have friends. To be honest I don't really know what a friend is. Some people may call me a friend, but I don't know what the feel about me. I guess I am rather confused.
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