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My Unsent Letter to A
1 week ago · · Stress, · Explicit
You were my best friend.
You came to our house one night crying, you sat outside our gate, I held you like a baby and let you feel your emotion. You were afraid, so was I. I didn't want to see you that way. You said that night that you were scared that everyone would leave you and forget about you soon. We promised that we would never do that to you, we meant it. You meant the world to me because I finally found a friend who had the same fears, someone who listened and understood and kept me smiling through some of the hardest points in my life.
When C and I broke up at school, you held me in the hall as I cried even though it made you uncomfortable, hugs make us both uncomfortable but there we were. You were always there when I needed it and I tried my very best to do the same. Although the break up was a misunderstanding and we got back together, you knew I needed a friend in that moment.
When I told my parents about my assault, you were there, you went with my dad to find the man, you came back and sat with me in the bathroom when the cops showed up. You were there. In my scariest moment you were there. We sat and did trashy make up later that night and you helped make me laugh when I just wanted to cry.
When you needed us, we had open arms, we loved you like a brother, I loved you like a brother, a most precious friend.
Although we could not always help, we fight our own battles with mental health, we never had help from anyone, no professionals, no parents, we battled alone and you helped me a lot more than you think.
Suddenly, it all changed.
It started when we would invite you to spend time with us or to go out with us and you would make us feel like we are forcing you to be in our company.
We saw you less often. We felt like you were drifting.
Then it got worse, I felt you leaving before you even did.
You went to the psyche ward, when you came out, you were different towards us.
You spoke about all the things you want to do and none of them included us, I offered to do one of the things with you and you said you'd rather do it with someone else.
Yes, you need to be your own person but I felt rejected as a friend.
Things kept drifting and it felt like the friendship was dying right in front of me.
Then you became involved with a 13 year old child.
Against every moral part of me, I still wanted to be your friend. I warned you against the situation. You pushed yourself away more.
I met the girl and she is manipulative, she has turned you cold, she fakes her way through things to get her way, she is changing you and dragging you away from everyone who cares about you and you are blind to it. She is not the innocent person you see her as.
And yes I have expressed some of my fears about what may happen to you. But truthfully there's so much more.
- I'm scared you hurt a young girl and change her entire life in a negative way even though your intentions may be good
- I'm scared she reports you to police
- I'm scared she breaks your heart
- I'm scared she ruins every relationship you've ever cared about
- and this will be harsh but, I feel like you were so desperate to loose your virginity and have someone to care for that you preyed upon a child that doesn't know any better.
You said many things that hurt me immensely last time you were here, you told her about *him *, what gave you the right to explain my trauma to someone I don't even know. You brought him up as a way to manipulate my emotions. You hurt me.
You lied straight to our faces, you swore on our lives and you continued to lie. You have no respect, no love, no care for anyone outside of you and her.
And I know you two are dating, Im not stupid, friends don't have wallpapers of each other or sleep together in the same bed as 'CUDDLE BUDDIES', I spoke to mutual friends and they told me that you two are together. If the relationship was true and the love was pure then you wouldn't feel the need to hide it. You know it's wrong, in your heart you feel ashamed, and you should. It's a pedophillic relationship.
You can act like you give a shit but actions show you don't. I can't call you anytime, your own mom struggles to spend time with you because of her.
You haven't sent me a single message since you were here last. Not one. It takes 1 minute.
I'm done with this friendship, I'm done with you.
I wish things could be different, I wish you hadn't become this cold, cruel, careless person but you have and there's nothing I can do to fix it. It's too late, there's a grip on you and until you get the grip off, you will never be able to further yourself in life. It is time you grow up and realize that a child is not what you need. We were here, we would've stuck with you through all types of pain but you chose otherwise.