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I wish I could let go of painful moments. Moments that shouldn’t even be painful. Moments that I should have been sharper, quicker to avoid.
I did the verbal equivalent of waving at someone when they were waving at someone else today. But it was much worse. Luckily they can’t hear very well so I don’t think anyone but my family noticed. They all cringed, felt bad for me. God I wish no one had noticed. God I wish I could be smarter. I’m such an idiot. I’m crying about it even now because I’m such a ducking wreck in general. How am I this foolish? I’m not even that tired, I should have been quicker on my mental feet.
I’m so done with this semester. With my lifestyle. With myself. I want to smart like the rest of them. At the end of the day, I am nothing but a foolish child. No social skills. No friends. Such a loser. This is the second time this week something like this has happened, where my foolish, foolish expectations were easily crushed. God, I’m such a wreck. Now I have to see that person again tomorrow. I hate Thanksgiving so much. I hate the stupid expectations that come with the holidays. I just want to relax and play video games. This is terrible.
Another occasion to haunt my cringy memories. Good God my life is a mess. Everyone must think I’m such an idiot. And the worst part is they are right.
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Don’t be so hard on yourself.
ReplyIt’s kinda my thing. I feel like anyone smarter would have been able to see this coming. But thank you. I appreciate it.
ReplyWe're monkeys with smartphones. The only reason you think you do more stupid stuff than other people is because its easier to see it happen.
People who look like they have it together are just a) really good at faking it or b) have done enough stupid stuff that they started to learn the patterns and avoid them.
Reply