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HI IM ELEA IM 13 YEARS OLD AND THIS IS MY LIFE:]
11-26-2021 8:37 PM
im cuz im having so much trouble with myself idk haha its just so much and i think i need to let it out.
i cant believe she care to my lil sis na umiyaq lang kase pinagsabihan ko siya she thinks i abused her haha
when she acted like nothing is happening to me when i was in cavite.
CAVITE:
i was 7-8 yrs old when we were living in cavite kame kame lang nila tito,tita,cousin, and my sisters
for few months my sister and one of my cousin are going to dubai, i wish i could go to dubai too but
i cant bcos i dont have a passport (it was lost for some reason)
they lived for like a year there in dubai while im left in cavite with my tito,tita, and one cousin
there was fun times and not....
(this note is a vent of bad things that happened to me, pls dont misunderstand na puro negative i want to focus on it bcos ive been bottling up my feelings-
for years and i dont want it to explode thank u.)
I WAS 7-8 YRS OLD AND MY PARENTS WANTS ME TO BE HEALTHY BCOS IM SKINNY
PALAGI NALANG NILA AKO PINAGPAPASAPASAHAN KUNG KANI-KANINO KUNG SINO ANG
MAGAALAGA SAKIN AND NOW THEIR BACK ACTING LIKE THEY CARE TO US/ME AS IF
NOTHING HAPPENED.
MY CAVITE PHASE WAS F****D UP BCOS IM FORCE TO EAT 5 SERVING OF RICE EVERY MEAL (LUCKY ME:]) ITS PROBABLY SOUNDS EASY BUT NOW BCOS I HAVE TO FINISH IT IN 1 HOUR
OR 30 MINS ITS HARD FOR ME TO CHEW BCOS OF MY TEETH AND IM STILL YOUNG. IF I DIDNT FINISH IT IN TIME I WILL BE PUNISHED BY STANDING UP (FUNNY RIGHT) BUT AS U CAN
SEE ITS HARD FOR ME TO EAT AND IM SLOW, AND EASILY DISTRACTED THATS WHY IT ALWAYS TOOK ME 3-5 HOURS TO FINISH MY FOOD MEANING I HAVE TO STAND UP FOR 4-5 HOURS
I KNOW JUST SIT IN THE FLOOR NO I CANT SHE'S WATCHING ME SOMETIMES MY FOOD IS SALTY BCOS MY TEARS ARE GOING TO MY FOOD, SOMETIMES I THROW MY FOOD SECRETLY.. SOMETIMES
I WAS CAUGHT THE PUNISHMENT IS EVEN WORSE SHE WILL TOOK THE STICK AND STRIKE IT TO ME, SOMETIMES ITS A HANGER SHE THROWED IT TO ME AND IT BROKE BCOS ITS STRONG THROW
SOMETIME AN IRON(SHE DIDNT ACTUALLY IRONED ME, SHE JUST SCARED ME) AND ONE TIME I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND I HAVE TO EAT BREAKFAST I WAS TAKING SO LONG AND THAT IM
LATE YUNG TITO KO NGINUDNGUD NYA YUNG MUKHA KO SA PLATO NA IT ALMOST BREAK I CRIED SO HARD WITH RICE AND ULAM WITH MY FACE. I WASHED UP I WEAR MY UNIFORM ( IM ALWAYS
ON MY SANDO AND SHORT FIRST BCOS I ALWAYS THROW UP THE FOOD I ATE IDK Y, PROLLY BCOS ITS ALOT 4 ME TO TAKE IN) SOMETIME I GO TO SCHOOL WITH BRUISES IN MY ARM
AND HIDE IT IN MY UNIFORM. SOMETIMES I CANT GO OUTSIDE TO PLAY BCOS I DIDNT FINISH MY SCHOOL LUNCH, SOMETIMES I THROW THEM OR EAT THEM AT THE SCHOOL BUS SO WHEN
I GET HOME ITS FINISHED BCOS MAY ISANG ARAW NA DKO NAUBOS UNG SCHOOL LUNCH KO TAS BINATO SKEN UNG TUPPERWEAR AND WAS GROUNDED I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
I THOUGHT MY MOTHER DIDNT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING TO ME ONE DAY KUMAKAIN AKO THEN OFC IT TAKE ME TOO LONG TO FINISH IT SHE(TITA) TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE TABLE AND IT MY FOOD
SHE EVEN TOOK A PICTURE OF ME CRYING WHILE SITTING IN THE TOP OF THE TABLE EATING MY FOOD SHE SENT IT TO MOM SHE TOLD ME THAT MY MOM TOLD HER SO.
ONE DAY I WAS COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL AND THERE WAS A VISITOR MY TITA TOLD ME NA SA DSWD DAW SYA... I THINK MY MOTHER WANT ME TO LEFT THE HOUSE AND STAY IN THE DSWD
THE VISITOR SAID THAT SHE WILL BE DOING A SURVEY ABOUT MY EATING SKILLS?? I WASNT LUCKY THAT TIME BCOS I DIDNT FINISH MY SCHOOL LUNCH (GOD RLLY BE TESTING ME LOL)
AND UN NA NGA PINAKAIN SKEN YUN I WAS PANICKING SM I JUST ATE MY FOOD SO FAST AS I CAN BCOS I DONT WANT TO BE TAKEN TO THE DSWD DAYS GOES BY AND I WAS PASSED... I
CANT BELIEVE MY PARENTS AGREED TO THIS. I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF WHAT IS EVEN MY PURPOSE HERE. IVE ALWAYS ATTEMPTED TO KMS BUT I ALWAYS FAILED. I CANT BELIEVE THAT I
ALMOST KMS AND MY PARENTS ARE YELLING AT DIRTY DISHES.
I WAS PLANNING TO KMS TOMMOROW BCOS I THINK IT SO MUCH FOR ME
I SAW A VIDEO THAT IF YOU ATE A SPOONFUL OF SALT IT WILL KILL YOU
MY PLAN IS TO A SPOONFUL OF SALT DRINK WATER AND SLEEP, BUT FIRST I WANT TO BE CLOSED WITH THE LORD BCOS IM SCARED
AND WHAT IM DOING IS A SIN.
THANK GOD THAT IM DOING THESE BCOS IF NOT IM PROLLY NOT HERE RN LMAO:DD
I CHOSE TO VENT THAN TO DIED.
-ELEA
11-26-2021
9:10
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language used here is english and tagalog
i dont rlly need an advice i just want to post it
none of prolly understand me
ReplyI was exactly the same way with food when I was a child. Reading your post was exactly like reading about myself! I had no appetite and didn't like to eat and it took me an hour or more to eat a meal. I would roll the food around in my mouth and not swallow it. I would throw away my lunch at school. An adult in my family bought me some stuff called Fisher's emulsion that was supposed to give me an appetite but it didn't. I was shouted at to eat the food and that didn't work. I was too skinny. At one time I came home from school for lunch every day and was given scrambled eggs every day and I would always bring them up. That bitch I had for a mother would stand there and watch me spew and would give me scrambled eggs again the next day and force me to eat them so that I would spew them up.
When I was 21 I got married and it was horrible. Near the end of my marriage I began to roll the food around in my mouth again and not swallow it. I knew then that the reason I did this was because I wanted to die and was trying to starve myself so this is why I did it as a child. I had a very nasty mother and I was trying to starve myself to get away from her. This could be what you are doing but don't kill yourself because one day you will leave home and be away from your parents. Give yourself the chance to have a life.
Reply