i just wanna feel important to someone

it gets exhausting. i should be used to it by now, i mean, i've always been excluded from things, but it still hurts. i never fit in.

i know, i know; "we're all different, all beautiful!" but the world doesn't work like that no matter how much people say that. Everyone knows deep down that if you don't put in the effort to fit in, you won't get as far as other people, y'know, the people society seems to favour.

i'm not one of them and i never will be - nobody wants me and it's starting to sink in now. everyone always leaves - what's wrong with me? i'm not a horrible person...i think...i'm always there for people. I was there for him. So where is he now that I need him?

it's always like this and i'm sick of it. if i left the world tomorrow, nobody would care for long. it's not like i'm needed anyway. i'm nobody's 'best friend', nobody's loving partner, i'm just nobody.

i just wish it wasn't like this. it hurts and its tiring, trying to make sense of what society wants from me when i don't necessarily want to or can give it. i'm not pretty fair-skinned girl with an attractive body. i'm not the smartest or most creative or confident or well-spoken. nobody wants the awkward black girl, the girl who doesn't speak, the girl who stays at home because she's so socially incapable.

if i wasn't me, i don't think i'd pay much attention to me like that either. i don't matter to anyone and its about time i face that. im just in the background, living a life i don't want to live. i just wanna be someone else, somewhere else - i just wanna feel important to someone and feel secure with them, like i know they won't leave.