On the outside looking in

The grief and loneliness is so overwhelming, I want off this crazy ride called life but I am stuck. I truly don't want to be here anymore, but on the other hand I don't want to quit. Everyday just blurs into the next, I am barely existing, I forget what it feels like to be alive, and to truly love life. The weight of my situation weighs so heavily on me I have truly tried everything to feel happy, to feel seen, to feel valued and to feel loved but it never happens for me. Each and everyday I am alone, tired,exhausted, sad, numb,and lonely. I don't have a support system at all and I have endured some much loss, it's hard to breath at times. All I want is to matter even if it is just to one person, I just want to be heard, to be seen, and most importantly be understood.