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I'm 19, my parents are forcing me to marry my cousin at the end of this December. He recorded my porn when his brother would molest me ages 8-14. I am asexual. I don't want him to consummate the marriage with me. I didn't tell my parents because they think that I'm 19 and too old, I should have been married by the ages 15-17 (In my culture, girls marry earlier and cousin marriage is common). That cousin is an aeronautical engineer in England so they think he will make me happy. I feel anxiety my chest hurts I always get panic attacks. I cant run away because in our culture there is a word for run away girls called "Matiza" and it's very shameful and a bad word. I don't want my dad to get that label on me. He already went through so much, he and my mom fights every day so he is always stressed because of my mom. I don't know what to do. Is 19 a good time for marriage in your country? At what age do you people marry? I still am asexual and feel like throwing up even when I think about kissing.
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In my country girls generally marry between 24-28 . 19 is a legally accepted age for marriage but not socially accepted in my country. 19 is too early to marry , you need to build a career first , and a 19 year old is just a young adult , such a girl is not ready for marriage psychologically. You can talk this out with your parents , and tell them the reality of your cousin . See this is a serious decision , you may ruin your whole life by marrying your cousin . Your parents may not be that supportive but you don't need to runaway from anything , just take a stand for yourself and simply refuse to marry your cousin and explain your parents the situation. As far is asexuality concerned , girl you got this , you can even live happily on your own , but this society of ours treats marriage as a compulsion , the only thing you can do to love happily is to first accept yourself and then come out to your parents , tell them everything, ofcourse they want you to be happy but they are too bound by the rules of the society . You should consult a doctor for getting your anxiety and panic attacks treated before they become even worse . I hope the best for you. Be strong girl , i know you can do this .
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