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There's like so much pent up frustration. I am getting so easily stressed these days and I put no effort to solve it myself. It's disappointing how I turned out to be. Don't get out of my house for days, no sunshine, doesn't bath properly, doesn't eat much, doesn't drink water constantly and doesn't keep any effort to keep my surroundings and myself clean. I don't wake up early anymore, don't wanna stay late nights, not practicing violin continuously. Now if I don't play well my teacher won't teach anymore and if I don't finish my work I will fail. So much bottled up stress and when I say this to my parents they say don't get stressed do meditation, exercise, cycling be active. But I have no idea why I don't have any intrinsic motivation anymore to do them in the first place. I feel so worthless, talentless, inactive. And to no surprise my periods didn't start and I lost 2 kgs I'm practically self destructing myself and as I write and feel frustrated that I haven't used my time properly and beat myself to it I know that I can just change my perspective and think positively but I what's the point ho- how do I do that? I don't wanna talk about this to parents or my friends again cuz I have been telling my friends quite often and I think they may have understood that the next time I tell them again they may tell I need serious help. I feel a bit calm and settled and sorted out as I am writing this but the fact that I am not powerful enough to solve everyone's problems is annoying and you might be thinking I'm trying so hard to solve my own problems which I find difficult to do, so let alone solve others. I am tired now. But I won't give up so easily. Personally till now, this might be the lowest I have ever been. And I'm determined to get myself out of this self destructive mess. Please wish me luck.
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Be careful that you don't get yourself in too deep because if you do you will need help. Best of luck.
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