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1 month ago · 3 · Depression, +4
To the first daughter's in a toxic manipulative familys ...
How are you surviving?
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while i lived with them, i was a very active teenager, to the extreme. i only came home to sleep and shower.
but, if i did come home, there was always people around. it kept them busy entertaining people while i was able to relax and their focus was not on me.
interaction is sometimes unavoidable. when you can't distance yourself, you have to mentally and emotionally detach. separate things into what you can control and things you cannot control. the things you cannot control, you let it ride. they go where they will. you cannot worry, nor care about it. the things you can control (which is only yourself), you take control of.
but the main thing is distance. distance made me better.
I have had depression most of my life because of it. Everything was always my fault and any genuine personal struggles or concerns were treated as me being difficult or selfish. They used me to avoid dealing with their own problems. I coped by retreating into my own world and making friends outside the family. I now know they failed me and in many ways it’s a miracle I survived. I’m only just breaking free and seeing things for what they are at 34.
pouring my life's existence into my grades and being valedictorian. it was hard, and something to focus on. but somehwo i didnt manage to avoid depression, anxiety, or BPD. an easting disorder was also caused by my mom, and cutting was a thing. music is my only healthy coping mechanism
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I dont care how or even if i die trying and never make im going to work my ass off to be rich its kinda hard now as i keep applying to places and being...