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All of this started when you, as a new joiner, came to my seat and asked me if you could sit beside me to see how everything works...I thought nothing about you and didn't even got your name right, it was quite awkward If I'm honest..
I also thought it was a little bit annoying because I normally stay silent in my own bubble and only talk to people I know in the office and suddenly you were there, so close and it was quite uncomfortable since I didn't knew you...
somehow I later recognized you from the virtual meetings we had together with other people and I didn't even realized it was you up until then...
I just didn't cared bout you always coming to my seat to ask me for things and got used to it...but some weeks later it already wasn't that bad anymore seeing you coming towards me on a daily basis...
I don't know how and when it happened but suddenly I wanted to know more about you...and you were just so distant. I tried to become friends with you and we even talked for hours so I got to know you more. I used any chance to see or talk to you because you were getting so used to the job that you didn't asked me anything anymore...it somehow made me feel weird. I didn't knew what it was, but I didn't wanted it to end...
And now, after already almost 3 months evertime you pass by me, my heart starts to beat so fast and you don't even notice me anymore and your name won't leave my thoughts.
I just want to ask you why me? Why? Out of all the people in the Office did you wanted to sit beside me? I'm the most quiet out of everyone there...or was it just a random choice? But I can't ask you that and will probably also never get an answer for that...
Over the day our eyes meet sometimes and for a second I can stare into your pretty brown eyes until you look away again...
It really makes me feel so annoying and dumb, because I know you don't see me like that and I know it, but it's also so hard to ignore you..I see you everyday at work..
I sometimes wish you would've choosed someone else that day to sit...so that all of this stupid random feeling never started.
I even remember seeing you entering the Office for the first time just thinking " oh God what is that guy doing" and now I get all quiet and shy when you just go past me ir stand near me...wtf did you do? Am I just so desperate that I fell for the first guy that saw me and came towards me? Am I that easy?
I'm just writing all of this because I know this will never be something I will ask you In person...I'm invisible for you again...and I think that it should also stay that way..
I saw that you don't treat me differently to other people and I kinda accepted it.. I just hope it will get better day by day and someday I just won't care about you anymore...that's the best way and It has always worked before.
(Probably deleting this soon again, just wanted to write everything down that was going on in my mind due to overthinking)
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