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I will never actively kill myself
2 years ago · 2
118
He's worried about that and if I was in his shoes I would definitely be worr\ioed about it to. If I take any test it will probably say that Ishould be dead already. I'm so epressed that everyday is a struggle, The only thing that gets e up is imagining a world where I am happy. H"aahaha. Imagining happy is the only thing thjat makes me hap[py . And I ty omg every day I try so hard to make people feel good. Some dayhs I just fuvcking vcant hide it it. the alcohol is making the english of this hard to understand.
?Here's the essence of what I'm trying to syaL: I want to die. I am trying to kill myself with alcohol and the first physical effects are taking place. I want to die but in a way that doesn't make my family andfriends feel bad. So I will die from something that can be explained away. No one will find my body hangiung from the ceiling or bleeding int eh bathtub. I will die by this or that and p[eopke will move on and forget I existed. That is what I wish. I dont want people to know cause I existed cause all that causes, whether it'
s hate or love, is pain. Just 100%TR pain if you die. So I wpould rather no exist. Thank you for reading. I will not killmy self, but wait for my soon death as my body degrades with drug abuse. Tghank you for your time. Move along,.
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So, I get all that. I get being suicidal. I get drug abuse. But what exactly is stopping you from taking a step in the right direction? Ya know instead of drug abuse you could take up healthier habit forming stuff. Things that actually make you happy. I already know too well that when I'm high I dwell on the bad things. The bad things just kinda take over your thoughts til you just wanna overdose so it'd all be gone. Getting into better habits you enjoy you might kinda..... Enjoy life a little instead of being depressed. I know I like to paint. And when a painting is done I feel accomplished. I like to write poetry. And when I'm done with a poem... I feel accomplished and I share it though as depressed as it might seem it's my work. One day I'd like to publish. That's one of my big dreams. What's stopping you from being creative or even athletic. Anything. You can do anything with your day.
ReplyHi there, I'm sorry you're suffering so much. But please don't try to kill yourself with alcohol and drug abuse. I will tell you why. I tried this for 2 years, I drank 1.5L of vodka every week (a large bottle) plus pills I won't name. It did not kill me, instead I went blind in one eye. Isn't that a joke? I'm still alive and "healthy" but I can't see out of 1 eye. Something like this is likely to happen to you too. Death by alcohol toxicity is very slow, very painful, and it attacks organs which you don't expect. Don't believe the movies where the alcoholic just lays down and dies. Reality is far more cruel. I won't try to convince you that life is worth living because honestly I don't think it is. But alcohol & drug abuse will only make your remaining years more painful.
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