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My boyfriend has a smoking problem and he smokes as a way to "clear his mind" and ive tried supportively helping him out but idk what to do anymore, what would you recommend i do
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I know you care and don't wanna see him smoke but take it from me, I been smoking since I was like in the 7th grade it is not easy to give up. I've tried multiple times to and the best I can do is vape but once in awhile I still crave cigarettes so it's like I'm smoking and vaping. Vaping seems less dangerous to me maybe you can talk him into trying it.
ReplyOkay so as someone who is involved in the medical field I know that vapes are actually not the lesser of two evils if not equal it can be more dangerous (if you would like to know more either google it or i dont mind elaborating). Plus the notion that its less dangerous means people vape even more than they would smoke and he is aware of it aswell so yeah i dont plan to introduce him to something so. The thing is he doesnt like cigs much either, and its less an addiction more a dependence at the moment. He started out with peer pressure if i remember right and he actually did quit a good time in the middle, and it only started recently. He uses it as an escape, to clear his head in his own words.
ReplyIf supportively helping him hasn't worked, I would suggest being a little more forceful. Not like "forcing" him, but I mean being the strong one driving the change. My gf was a smoker when I met her, and I didn't want to push boundaries even though I didn't like it, so for a long time I just kinda did what it sounds like you're doing, support. But it was going nowhere, so I decided to try getting a little proactive. I took the reins and said, "how about we throw away all your cigarettes and if you really need to smoke then I'll just go somewhere else for a while and you can do whatever you want." That kinda sent the message that I would be her anchor, not just a passive supporter but I wouldn't budge. It worked :) She quit and was sooo much happier after. Give it a try... if it gets awkward or tense you can always back off, but in my experience it was exactly what was needed.
ReplySo ive done that, and he did quit for a while, he even promised himself to not meet me for atleast an hour if he ever did which did stop him more times than one would think, but it didnt work, they got more irritable. Its hard to be the stern one again because right now things family wise and apart are hard for him right now and to a large extent i dont feel great pushing him much at the moment
ReplyBummer, especially since it sounds like it was working. Unfortunately if he uses stress as an excuse he'll never succeed (life never gets easier). The last thing I would suggest is to find a positive distraction like hiking or working out together? The key is to be firm while being positive. Kicking any addiction is hard (for me it was alcohol) but I think it helps a ton to have an "authority figure" who's keeping you focused with positive feedback.
The problem of course is this puts a huge strain on you, especially if he's fighting against improving himself. Don't give up though! Unless he flat out tells you to back off because he doesn't want to quit, then keep trying!
ReplyThank you, sure will try especially since i know he does want to stop
ReplyYou can't force people not to do something. That's toxic.
ReplyUmm, i never said i wanted to force him though? He doesnt like that he smokes either, and theres a difference between toxic and trying to help someone grow for the better (that even they think is the better)
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