What are you looking for?
9 months ago · · Depression, · Explicit
body is cold to touch, as the color of my skin begins to fade. You soak in the sorrows in the comfort of your bed, refusing to get up and eat, shower, see your family. In the moment, once you've found the comfort in the dark abyss, nothing matters. The only thoughts you think of is how you got back here, even when you just got a new job. Failing a semester only pushes you off the cliff into the abyss and it begins to swallow you up. You can't cry or those sniffles, and silent screams will only echo and drive your mind mad. You see the faded scars and can remeber the reasons for every, single, one. Then you reach for the blade only to be held with the strength of not being able to do it. Is the pain even worth it anymore? she asks herself, only to question if she needs something stronger. But what is stronger? Sleeping pills? Weed? what will any of that fix if this cycle always comes to an end only to repeat its self. You wonder if anyone notices, but lets be honest. Who has ever noticed when you were in the slums of depression when you hide it so well? You want someone to notice you but no one will. No one will give you the love you desire because you are so fucked in the head. You dont know what you want, youre giving up on eerything you care about to only repeat this cycle, again and again. But in that abyss there's always a ray of light that shows you youre better than this, walk through the maze and you'll find it. You always have a little hope and thats why this cycle is only occuring. You want out but dont know how. You want to be better, but how if your surrounded by toxicity, heartache, fake love and pain. You slip away everyday, one day there won't be a you to slip, because you'd already have died. But what will dying fix? youre too empathetic to leave the ones around you you love, even if they are the ones helping you slip. . . now, should you choose peace over pain? but what is peace is brough by pain...