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I know you don’t ever mean to hurt my feelings the way you do. Sometimes I do admit that I am a little way too sensitive about everything, but you also know that is the way I am and I have been trying to work on myself for years now. Recognizing my childhood trauma was a step, now the second step is trying to open up and let you know what is going on inside my head. I cannot control my emotions the way you want me to, and trust me I wish I could control my emotions because it would make this nightmare called life so much more smoother. I wish I could tell you how much I love you but I wish I could tell you the truth. The truth that consumes me and I fear so much…
The truth is you are too good for me, you always just take a step back and let me cool down when I get upset but you also follow me to make sure I know that you are there if I do decide to not be upset anymore and also to make it known that you care so much about me that you even when I say hurtful things because I cannot control my emotions, you smile and say it’s okay you feel this way right now but I just want you to know I love you and honestly you are the most comforting thing that has ever happened to me, you understand me like no other. I have never met anyone like you, that’s why you’re so special to me, but all I do is hurt you. All you do is try to heal me, heal my emotional wounds and my broken soul but all I do is let you down with my sadness once more.
I wish I could be good enough for you and show you the happy side of life, I wish I wasn’t so messed up emotionally so I could show you so much more, so much more love, so much more connection. You crave love and I want to give you that but it’s so hard because I cannot open up the way you are begging me to open up. It’s hard when all I have done for 24 years is build a wall to protect myself from pain but all I do is hurt myself and others around me.
You are the angel that pulls me away from the darkness and keeps me protected inside your wings and for that I thank you.
Please don’t leave me.
But please do.
Because you deserve better than me.
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