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Recently, i have been starting to lose more control than gain. It hurts to think of the people i've hurt because of my problems that i have put on them, which is just wrong of me, i don't know why i even do it or why it happens but i noticed the reason i've hurt so many people was because that it was all from anger, i lost complete control over ,y anger which has led to heartbreaking moments to my life, i suffer from depression and suicide. I have been doing the best i can to help myself so it never happens again, it's just i suffered through depression and suicide my whole life while also having to do it all alone, i basically had to do everything myself, but i just wanna stop being angry because it'll just lead to me losing more people, i try to live my happy life everyday but i think it's just my anger that is stopping me because of past problems and traumas. I'm a person who has a lot of regrets. It's hard to forget them by the fact it just hurts me too much, i miss my old days, i don't know how i got like this, i apologize but i feel like it isn't enough just to get the forgiveness, i feel like i'll never be alright, i just need to stay strong and keep going then hopefully find out the source of my anger so i can get better at controlling it instead of letting it loose, but i hope all of you guys are having an amazing day, see you. . .
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Focus on each and every day by itself. Try not to be too hard on yourself for going through all of this in your life and I can relate to hurting people you never meant to hurt like that. Anger does horrible things to people! It is like poison in your body and basically hurting yourself from the inside out. You have to learn to love yourself. The good parts and the horrible parts. Embrace who you are, embrace that you aren't perfect but you never intended to hurt anyone. What can you do to change this going forward? What do you need to work on? Try baby steps, a little each day. Allow yourself to let your pain out and anger out without bottling it. Just do it without aiming it at anyone or yourself. You are a strong person for making it even another day through it all and I want to say I admire your strength and fight to keep going even when it feels impossible. You've got this. -LS
ReplyI am so sorry that you are going through this and battling these feelings. I can see that you are genuinely trying, and you are so strong for continuing to fight. I don't know what your situation is, but I would suggest you get connected to a professional if you haven't already. I really think they can help you find out what the source of your anger is and help you find good outlets for your emotions. It has been a great help for me. If you're not comfortable with that, try to start learning more about what makes you angry and why. If you find yourself being controlled by your anger, try writing about it-- what made you angry? why did it make you angry? are you using anger to cover up another underlying emotion? what are some healthy and safe ways to express your anger? Perhaps by keeping track what makes you angry and taking the time to reflect on it, you can sort through some of this confusion on your own. But, again, I think this process would be quicker and more effective if you seek the advice of a professional if that feels possible for you right now:)
I also struggle with feeling guilt for sharing my emotions and struggles with others, but I would encourage you not to let yourself isolate. You deserve a support system.
I would also wager that those you have apologized to have forgiven you, but you have not forgiven yourself. Show yourself some grace, you are your own worst critic.
Just focus on taking things one day at a time. I once read a book that said all you have to do is get 1% better every day, and over time your growth will be exponential.
You are so strong and so brave for making it this far. Keep at it!! <3
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