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So I've never really been in a real relationship before. I had a boyfriend like a year and a half ago and he was my first everything. I started "dating" him when we were 15 and now im 19. He was abusive and controlling etc. My friends were my support system and they helped me get away from him. I wasn't in a good state of mind and I just let him walk all over me because I didn't want him to stop liking me. I liked that a boy was paying attention to me.
Now that I'm in college everything is very different. I have one friend that goes to my college and we see each other relatively often. I also like my roommate and we've become friends but I miss my Highschool friends alot. I used to see them almost everyday and now I barely get to talk to them in person. We're going to have a mini Christmas get together thing soon and I'm super excited but I still wish I could see them more.
ANYWAY, wow I went way off topic. I guess Im just venting. The main thing I wanted to say was that now I'm in college I feel like Im safer...? Does that make sense? Like I miss highscool and I feel kind of homesick but I do like being independent and not being forced to be around toxic people 24/7. I think that's let me have more of a personality lol. It's like I'm finding myself.
I also have a new boyfriend!!!! AaAAaah omg. He's wonderful. I'm never letting anyone use me ever again because now I know what I'm missing out on. He's so sweet all the time and doesn't emotionally manipulate me as a hobby π₯° It's kind of jarring to be with such a genuinely good person after only ever being an abusive one.
It's all very different. Like for example he doesn't get mad at me for not "dressing well enough" like my ex did all the time. He's also so understanding and makes me feel like Im not a huge burden to the entire world which is great. My ex used to get mad at me for not wanting to have sex or whatever but that never happens with my bf now. I feel so comfortable around him and he's always asking if what he's doing is okay. A little tmi but one time we were.. ahem.. doing it and idk what was wrong with me but it started hurting so I told him and he literally just.. like.. stopped. Omg..... that's new to me. It's bad that I was surprised, isn't it π he was so nice and didn't make me feel like I was annoying him.
Another time I asked him if he'd be okay with me seeing one of my friends because she was also bringing her cousin who happened to be a guy. He said it was fine that I didn't need to ask him for permission πππ I could have cried right then and there that was so nice to hear. O m g this is what life feels like. Its so nice to feel comfortable with myself and not be so Insecure and dress the way I want to and I feel like Im actually living now ahahqhqh omg this is so exciting! but it's also scary lol because I don't know what I'm doing. Can someone tell me how to be in a relationship? What am I even supposed to do?
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this was so wholesome to read. i'm so glad that you have found somebody who treats you well, and is helping you to readjust your standards and know your worth.
honestly, i don't think anybody really "knows what they're doing" when they enter a new relationship. and i wouldn't say there is a set of things you should be doing, its so depend on your specific needs and the specific needs of the person you are with. it sounds like you're maybe a bit insecure about how you should be acting in your new relationship because of how your ex so toxically expected you to act. it really seems like you and your new boyfriend are getting along great, and he's helping you figure out that what was expected of you in your previous relationship was not okay.
i personally think the most important aspect of a relationship is communication (communication with mutual respect, to be specific). if you don't know what he expects out of a relationship-- ask him!! it may seem awkward at first, but conversations like these are the quickest and easiest way to learn more about what the other wants, and open the door for you to express what you want from him. one really exciting thing about leaving high school and starting new relationships in college is letting the petty bullshit go. No more guessing games when it comes to friends and romantic relationships-- if something is bothering you, if something is confusing you, etc., don't dodge the situation and don't play games just communicate!! and if its not going exactly how you want it to, it's all a learning curve and that's okay!!!
i am so so happy for you and your new relationship. keep enjoying it and keep your standards high!! <3
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