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I have no one in my life that truly understands me and that I can honestly to talk too. I have no one went I’m down. No at my lowest of lowest to confide in. Its awful. I have no outlet. I’m always there for my friends 110% and always will care for them deeply. I don’t have many friends just few extremely close ones. But even then I still feel alone. I still can’t be 100% honest. Although can anyone really ? But even still it’s been killing me inside. Don’t get we wrong my friends are great amazing people and they are therefore me as best as they can but still… It’s not like don’t share because I really do we’ve all shared our traumas together. The difference is mine is after the fact. And one time shared my lows with very good friend to me said triggered them. Felt so bad. I only expressed how feel which was me in depressed episode. And I know he struggles with depression too and we talked for hours and hours. And always support each other. But thing is.. and I’ll blame cancer moon and maybe my childhood when someone else is sad or traumatic event happens it could also be happening to me… I tend to turn off my emotions fo us on making other person feel better, distracting them making, lend ear for them to vent or in some case handle to situation. I’m not resentful of this by any means I genuinely happy to make people are care about feel better..
But when I’m low on edge and need support like now there’s no one…
And even when I try know understands me. They can’t understand I’m not like them. I’m not depressed about COVID although it is shit I’m not depressed because Of circumstances although guess I have every right to be. But I’ve grieved. I’ve let go of that. It still kills but that’s not it…. This depression .. this bipolar.. that has been up up on on on and of then on on on up on on up on on.
No one hears me when I talk anyway
since my mum died I truly have no one.
I don’t mind being alone
But I’m lonely and tired of existence
Want to give up but I also don’t..
I want to let the mask fall but I can’t
I don’t know how
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ReplyI'm the same way, I will ask my friends for help from time to time, but their words are empty and meaningless. I write novels when i'm upset, it helps
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