I'm still afraid you might read this, lol

I guess I'll see you after new years, my secret crush. Maybe the time will still the fury in my heart that takes hold when you come near. God, that would make the workplace so much less a place of anxiety. Or if you did like me back, or were at all available and potentially interested I would pray to God to know. But your shy except for when you're not. And when you're not, it's like watching a force of nature or listening to a song that gets you really incredibly happy. Damn that's cheesy even though it's how I really feel for real. I'm so glad you're not going to actually read this. That way I can say how beautiful I think you are. And how your style, movements, energy, personality, and body all are angelical gorgeous. You've got good vibes. And you seem so interesting. Ugh. Sorry. But at least I got that cringiness out of my system before I see you in person again. It's okay to me, though, you know... like if you don't like older guys or if you don't date guys of another race or if you have someone or if whatever other of millions upon millions of potential scenarios that might cause this spark of attraction I have for you to be destined to flicker out. It's okay if you hate me, really. It's all okay. I know that if you don't like me there are other girls you know? It's not like I'm stuck on you. Except when I am. Which is when we interact and talk. As rare as it is to hear you speak up, when I do hear you... What a feeling.... But that's just it. You make me feel good inside. And I like it. And I like you. And I wish I could get to know you more. Sadly, my secret crush, I'm pretty sure that I won't see you again until after new years.