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It's insane to think that this time last year I thought my life was perfect.... flash forward and now I don't know the point of living. This time last year I had a career that I was loving and thriving in. It paid well gave bonuses, had great benefits, and even a company vehicle. Now I'm back working a dead end job in the kitchen I started in over a decade ago. I had a women who was loyal that I had been with 13 years, who gave me 3 amazing kids that I love more than anything in this world. Now that same women is talking to a number of different guys telling them how I ruined her life and has made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with me. My kids have no idea that dad can't provide like he was and the house we have lived in as long as they remember, that I had plans of purchasing is being sold in March. We all need to be out of there the 1st. I am dealing with depression that at times is cripping and the only person who I used to be able to turn to and tell all my feelings (my grandmother) passed back in May. Its about that time that it all started to go down hill. Once I found out she was sick my demeanor started to change. Being unable to show my new weakness to my "wife" who doesn't handle death well and stresses out if I'm upset at all, made things extremely difficult. She left me after we saw my grandmother on her deathbed on mother's day, then went out to dinner and I wasn't cheerful enough, so it ruined her mother's day and she decided we couldn't be together. I then had to face the death alone when the day she passed my now ex took the kids and went to her sisters even though all I wanted was to be hugging them. We started to work things out once I wasn't showing my hurt and was hiding it, that turned into me going to the disc course once a week and playing a round which became an excuse to get drunk. Then one day I over did it and drove home in the company vehicle which turned into me damaging the car and getting fired. She made it clear that she was done with me and began talking to any guy who gave her attention. We started to work on things again after I told her why I thought I got to that point and told her that I needed her to be there for me in my time of need like I was for her all the time. She basically told me to stop blaming her and suck it up, but we were working on things none the less. Then at the beginning of December I crashed my truck (serious accident I was very lucky to walk away with just a concussion and fractured ankle). I fell asleep while driving home, I had 2 cocktails while cleaning up at work and she turned it into I was blacked out and crashed. She then made it clear to anyone who would listen, including those guys she was still talking to that she wished I had been thrown in jail or died and told me upon picking me up from the hospital I was getting no remorse and she was mad at me (never so much as asked if I was OK or said I'm glad your alright). Ive sensed stop drinking all together until I can get through my depression because it's a bad mix. Now that we are facing the possibility of her and the kids having to go to a shelter if I don't get us into a new home she is saying she wants to make it work but showing she just doesn't want to go into a shelter. I don't want my kids somewhere like that so I'm trying to figure it all out which is stressing me out more and leaving me not knowing what the hell to do. I know at this point our relationship is toxic for both of us but the thought of my kids in a shelter specially sense my oldest would be on the men's side all by him self tears me apart inside. I don't know who I can talk to anymore, and sense I've never been one to ask for help I don't know who to even turn to. I've busted my ass and done more right than wrong sense I was 15 and had to pay the bills for my mom and I but now I need a life line before I drown.
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hey darling, sounds like you're having a rough night. Your kids will be alright and will understand as long as you love them as a father should. They don't need everything in the world to understand that dad loves them. your wife is just lost, she will come around and if she doesn't then you know what you need to do. find you again. You've got this, you will get through this battle and everything is going to be a-okay. I know I'm just a mere stranger, but I have felt this pain, I have been the child in this sort of situation watching my mom struggle with money and struggle with coping, hell even almost killing herself. but I can tell you now at 17 I can understand how hard she fought and in return, I help her bring in money and I empathize with her. keep your head up, its gonna be okay :)
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