What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I’m in the same place as two years ago. I'm tired, longing for meaning. But it’s different now, I genuinely want better things for myself. Unlike two years ago, when sadness was the only thing that comforted me. I wanted to lie in the sadness forever. Now the only thing I want for myself is love. I want to feel the love that I deserve. But I know my happiness comes at a price. It shouldn't, but it does.
What's been making me miserable for years is not being able to live the life I want to live. I don't feel comfortable or safe to be myself around people. I know through therapy that this stems from being bullied for my personality when I was little. No matter who I pretended to be, people were never happy. So I learned how to fit into a mold. Which turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. Because now, even as an adult I can't break out of that mold. It feels like no one truly knows me, because I never show anyone the real me.
And I'm so tired. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm someone else. I don't want to do it anymore. It's exhausting. But if I reveal my real self, everyone isn't going to be accepting. I'm going to get rude comments, weird stares. And I know this, because in the past I've tried to show a little part of myself to people around me and they haven't reacted well. No one has been extremely rude or anything, but the little back handed compliments still hurt.
It sucks. But I can't completely get away from these people. I rely on them. I try my best not to associate with people that hurt me, but I really can't get away from these people. They're coworkers, family etc.
So I'll just have to learn how to live the life that will make me happy, even though other people might not completely be on my side. But it's so hard being one of the only people in my life that support me.
I really hope that I'll be able to thrive in my own personality in the future. That's the only thing I want for myself. I'm tired of hiding.
Feel free to comment any advice or personal stories about something similar, it would make me feel less alone :)
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I wish it worked out but it didnt so who cares? A letter I wont send k...
I saw only potential in you and sadly it just didn't happen how I felt it should've. You think I was manipulating you and lying while listening to the guy who w...
-
WORST
Everyday kailangan lagi ako yung umiintindi. Ang role ko yata sa pamilyang to punching bag, hindi buo yung araw nila ng hindi ako nasasaktan not physically. I h...
lol, when i take my bible into my relatives home because my lectio nourishes me (they are not religious), they stare at me peculiarly and their eyes say what there lips won't, 'is she really reading a bible?'. it unsettles them so much that they might slight some in whatever it is they're doing and give each other glances because each of them is thinking the same thing, again without saying any words. it unsettles them and who we are a bit, but because we're smart, talkative, open people, they don't get angry or mean, they simply go "oh, she has this strange thing she does that i don't", and eventually our topics move onto something else, and mostly what I've done is forgotten. decent healthy people are not going to be cruel about how you want to live, and people who love and care about you will be accepting of things if they see it brings you happiness and peace. we all want to see you have peace. you deserve it.
ReplyWe are all on this same life journey but at different locations traveling at different paces and sometimes going in different directions. You can only expect to proceed from where you are and progress should be your only expectation. So decide what might seem like reasonable progress for you and move in that direction. I think we are here (alive) to learn needed lessons about relationships and to unconditionally love all that lives. Everyone has there own issues and concerns and you are probably not there major focus so work on you and don't worry about what others might think about you.
Working on you is a fascinating and very interesting endeavor that will keep you busy for the rest of your life. Others may be involved for a time and as long as the benefits for doing so are mutual. When that stops being the case, move on without them.
None of us control what happens next when other people and factors are involved. Our power resides in the manner we choose to respond to occurrences. Imagine likely circumstances and how you might react and when something like that happens, evaluate how well you did and decide what adjustments might be helpful. This is learning about relationships. Do the best you can because better than this is not possible and don't forget to laugh and have some fun while you are at it.
Reply