1st post! — starting off with a heavy sigh.

Hello, what's up! Nice to meet all of you, I'm Yell! This will be my first time writing here, I hope y'all are having a great new start off the new year!

I.

I just wanna get something off my chest and I don't wanna bother my friends about it, I've been itching to tell somebody these thoughts I have had for a while now so I thought maybe I can anonymously post it somewhere in which I stumbled upon this site.

I noticed for quite some time now that I've been losing contact with them—my friends. I may try to turn a blind eye about it but reality really comes on knocking at your door to strike you out of your fantasies, especially at your lowest, it tries to furthermore execute its plan to make you feel more... out of touch with reality, with your friends, with yourself.

A lot of realisation had happened to me over the course of two days.

— First being as the background noise for people and being okay with it (and no, it shouldn't be okay, we all matter and we shouldn't let this construct its way to be us, we should be our own people, our own music, not just some background noise for other people.)

— Second, how I feel so distant from my friends. I'm slowly realizing that I have a relationship with them that slowly progresses to something unhealthy, at least for me I think it's on the making of it. And I don't know what to do about it. I check up on them and try to start a conversation but it'll always be cut off short.

I don't know if I'm just craving attention, being selfish, but I always want to do something more with them, like play games and watch some movies. I know I should probably just invite them but I don't want to be a bother, they've been busy and exhausted, I don't wanna tire them further.

Maybe I'm being too wanting of their time, letting envy from other friend groups get to me, which I am guilty of. I know I shouldn't do that as we have our own thing, our own way to bond, but I just wanna experience again that active gc that has tons of messages, lots of bullshit topics that you don't even understand but still go on with it, playing around with each other and just overall having fun.

I don't know if it's because we've matured and we've grown out of that kind of friendship, but I just wanna experience something like that one more time.

— I need to branch out and take on the journey of my fresh start, with or without my friends. I need to be independent in terms of socializing, I need to get on more with what's happening. Of course, I'll have to avoid the ones that aren't really needed in my life, just the relevant ones.

THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY. THANK U FOR READING.

I hope y'all have a happy new year, enjoy the rest of the day!

P.s; I just finished watching From Up On Poppy Hill, and wtf. I know love has no barriers and that they weren't actually siblings (spoilers, sorry) BUT WHY TF WAS UMI OKAY TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER "BROTHER" DNJNASDNKDNM. I KNOW THEY AREN'T RELATED, BUT SHE SAID THAT WHEN SHE THOUGHT THEY WERE, EVEN SHUN KNEW AND AGREED. FFS, THANK GODS FOR UMI'S MOTHER FOR CLEARING IT OUT.