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My name is Abby and his name is Jason. He has an online gaming "buddy" and his name is Patrick. Jason and I had a few interesting stories in the past which involves arguments most of the time, and this particular topic all relates to his "buddy", Patrick.
I can write an entire book about this story, but I'm just going to summarize it here so that you guys can give me some advice about this ongoing situation.
You know how they all say to trust a woman's intuition? Yep, that's me. I always feel like I know things or if something is just not right; and 99% of the time, I'm always correct.
Most of the time, Jason would only spend time with me when Patrick is not around to play online games with him. Thus, I always book my clients on weekends because I will never get to spend solo time with Jason; Patrick is ALWAYS around during the weekends and both of them will game together ALL DAY LONG, from the time they wake up until they sleep.
A few days ago was the holidays, Patrick told Jason that he won't be around for a few days. Thus, Jason finally had the time to spend with me and he said...
"You're going to be spending Christmas eve/Christmas, new years eve with me, are you happy?" Me: "Yes of course!"
On Christmas Eve, Patrick and Jason both woke up early and they started gaming together again. I asked Jason...
"So what time is your buddy getting off?"
"Maybe in about 2hours or so?"
"Ok I'll wait for you. I'll go and make some food"
I waited for almost 5hours...then Jason finally got off with Patrick because his friend needed to leave for his house party.
Jason said to me .. "Alright I'm here! You'll get to spend the rest of the day and night with me!" I said.. "Yay I'm excited!"(finally...)
Later on that night at 10pm, "Hey Abby, want to play some games together?(I'm an online gamer as well) Patrick is online."
Me: "...., why? I thought we were going to spend the night together?"
Jason didn't know what to say and started to act like a pity, told me that he has a migraine, dizziness, and wanted to get off the computer. Thus, no spending time and ditched me. He went offline and went to bed instead.
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I spent the night feeling super upset because he couldn't keep his promise, and as soon as his "buddy" sends him a message, he puts him first all the time.
Yesterday, it happened all over again. Jason woke up early to play games with Patrick again. Whenever Jason is with Patrick, Jason barely texts me and replies to my messages super slow. I always make my schedule open for Jason because I put him as my priority, always tell him my plans ahead/who I hang out with until what time and etc so that I can plan my day to be with him.
Jason: "Patrick messaged me early and wanted me to play games with him."
I said: "OK, do you know what time you'll be done playing with him?" (so that I can plan to do something with him too)
Jason: "Dunno, no set timetable." (clearly doesn't care to spend time with me and just wants the entire day with his buddy)
I said: "Alright...I have many other friends who messaged me and asked me to hang out with them but I ignored all of it because you're my priority?"
Jason: "Ok?"
-it clearly proved that he didn't have any intention of wanting to do things with me, and only do things with me when Patrick is unavailable-
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I've also been very sick(health-wise) for a few days now and Jason knows about it. Still, he acted this way towards me (doesn't really care).
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He was having so much fun with his friend, that he didn't bother checking up on me.
I told him: "I'm extremely disappointed today"
Jason: "Why is that?"
I said: "Because your attention was taken away all day by your friend and I'm just.. here" (he completely ignored me)
I asked him: "What is your relationship with Patrick? Because I don't understand?"
Immediately, he got very defensive about it. He said...
"He is just a friend?! Wth is this?! Am I not allowed to have a friend?! Why do you hate Patrick!?"
I said: "Don't need to be so defensive, I was just asking a question nicely."
Again.. he ignored me.
I want to cry so bad because I like this guy a lot and he has told me that he likes me too. But I cannot accept the fact that he and Patrick spend all day online together.
They spend time together all day...
- whenever Patrick is available, mostly all during the weekends
- after Patrick's work/dinner hours until he goes to bed on weekdays
- Patrick would even text Jason and tell him when he's on/off/on his way home from work and etc
Jason never says no to Patrick. Nor tells him that he's got plans to do things. Whenever Patrick says "Hey come play this". Immediately, Jason goes to him like a puppy. I can tell the vast difference when he talks to Patrick and I. His tone of voice with his buddy sounds "flirtatious" in some indirect ways. Whenever Jason talks to me, he just yawns and feels tired every time.
On one random day, Patrick was online and Jason said to me..
"Hey, want to go over to the discord(voice) channel? Patrick is online and to keep him accompany?"
me: super confused.. as to WHY do you have to keep Patrick accompanied?
It just doesn't make sense to me. Does it make any sense to you? People told me that they are just good gaming buddies. Imagine me spending so much time with another guy like that, is Jason going to question me about it? Patrick and Jason have many other online gaming buddies as well, but none of them plays with the others? They only spend time together EVERY DAY.
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Sounds like jason likes patrick more than a friend.
ReplyI think so too! Apparently, they've been this way for almost 10 years now. I just don't understand what sort of relationship they are having?
ReplyIf you're in a relationship with jason, then he should be able to at least divide his time for your and for his friend equally; but it sounds more like you're a sort of replacement for patrick, the person he can goes to when patrick is not there and it's hurting you.
Replyyes.. that is exactly how I feel and it's hurting me a lot. Every time I try to bring up this subject to him, he'll make it as if the problem is me and kept on saying that I hate Patrick(which is untrue). :( I just don't know how to explain to him how I feel. Every time I do, he'll divert it and make himself like a victim
Replyif you're in a relationship with jason, I suggest you to walk away from it. If you guys are just friends just ghost him as he's been doing to you.
ReplyI have the exact same advice from my friends as well.
ReplyIf you have tried talking to him and it's not working it's better to cut off everything before real damage is done :/ is not easy because there're feelings involved but I think you'll get hurt in a badly way and jason doesn't even know what he's doing wrong
ReplyThe problem is that it is so hard to cut off from him... I'm so used to having him around every day. We would text each other every day and spend time together. But....I really cannot stand him spending time with Patrick like that. It makes no sense to me at all.
ReplyI had the same exact problem like this. I made an online friend and we've played a lot so much he made me happy. Some other days he would make more friends and I wouldn't care because ofc everyone's allowed to have more than 1 friend. But as days or weeks went by, he wouldn't play games with me as often as we used to. One time when i was playing a game with him, his other friends came online and then he told me that he was gonna go play with them. That made me kind of sad to think that he'd prefer his other friends than me. I told him it's okay and that I understand. Then when his friends went offline, he would come to me to play. It was like he was only doing it because his other friends weren't on to play with him. A few weeks after went by and we spent less time together. I felt so sad but I couldn't do anything about it. I soon lost interest in him as time went by. We're still friends but we don't play often. I think all you need to do is to spend less time with Jason. You'll realize it would be much better for you. I know it's hard to cut friendships off cause that's what I couldn't do. At least spend less time from him. I know it'll be hard, but trust me I'm sure it'll make you feel better. You shouldn't waste time on someone who couldn't care less for you. I did and I regret all my time that was wasted on someone who didn't care for me much. Sorry if this wasn't much help btw, just trying something.
ReplyI'm so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible feeling. You totally understand where I'm coming from and I really appreciate that you shared your experience with me. Your story helped me a lot and got into my head thinking, that I really should tone a notch down and try to care less. I get it that they want to play games with friends, but with Jason having a "friend" like Patrick, just makes no sense to me. It feels as if they are in a virtual relationship and I'm just an outsider.
ReplyI would back off since it doesn't prioritize you at all over gaming and his other "friend." Either they have more than friendship or he's not emotionally ready to be in one with you.
ReplyThank you
ReplyI'm not a guy but I think guys really love gaming and some to the point where they don't care about any relationship. Maybe to Jason, Patrick is this awesome dude that brings him happiness through gaming. Jason is toxic and definitely not normal.
ReplyYea I understand the gaming part... I also forgot to mention in my story that Patrick and Jason argue a lot too. They are both quite toxic and rude with each other some days and part of the reason I want Jason to be away from him is because of it. I'm slowly trying to stop having feelings for him, but it is so hard. :(
Also, I think that Jason doesn't care for me as much as I care for him. He literally puts Patrick first every single time and he refuses to admit that.
ReplyI think he's trying to deny the fact that you care for him more than his buddy. People can be stubborn, but I advise you to be patient if you really want him to be appreciating you as much as you do.
Replythanks! he is very stubborn and wants most things to go his way. Sometimes it is some difficult for me to even tell him my feelings because he always thinks that I attack or try to guilt him. Sigh
Reply