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I haven't written in a while. Oddly, the last few months felt like there was a lot of darkness within and now I feel surprised at how alive I feel. Maybe there is still darkness within but it's currently dormant. Let it be that way for some time.
About a month ago, I met someone who seemed full of life and I instantly felt attracted to this person. Their enthusiasm and energy they brought with them was the first thing that struck out. It's been a while since I came across someone like that or had an interaction which lifted my spirits too. I might be exaggerating here as I speak about the interaction but that's how I remember it.
Anyway, since yesterday maybe because I stopped pmsing, my gloomy mood has been replaced with this feeling of liveliness. It has been a while since I felt like this. Or maybe I was finally able to connect with some people around me - after 2 long years. So, here I am holding onto this feeling within while it lasts, affirming and manifesting my goals.
As I listen to the sound of raining pouring over luscious green leaves, I sit here writing this to express the liveliness I feel within. When I close my eyes I recall the rain in England, whilst I am sat at a cafe by the river in my raincoat. Watching people walk past as I sip on my coffee now mixed with raindrops. I put the book I brought to read inside my jacket to prevent it from getting soaked. As I do that, I wonder would the rain wipe off the ink on the pages of the book? My eyes full of appreciation for the view in front of me - geese clustering together by the river and honking; a mother and child rushing on their bicycles; and the cashier at the cafe having a small chat about the bizarre weather with a customer. I feel so present recalling this as if I was living the moment. I may be sat alone, watching people, and sipping my coffee but I feel so alive in that moment.
I slowly open my eyes and remind myself I have a research paper to edit and all I needed is a moment to feel so alive again.
For anyone reading this, thank you. I share the gratitude and liveliness I feel within with you. Hope you have a pleasant day.
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