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Hi, it’s me…
I stayed up until late last night fighting that ache in my chest.
And now I feel tired, yet my mind is restless.
The truth is, I was trying to figure out the date and time I last met you face to face. I somehow can’t remember clearly. When was it that I last looked into your eyes? Somehow, I wonder if I could just remember, would I see a hint there of what was to come. If only I had looked closer, would I have seen that you were leaving? Leaving….me behind?
I don’t miss you, don’t misunderstand me. Its not like we ever managed to understand one another. We have been fighting forever. But today I know that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you as a daughter.
You suffered so much. And I know I was always angry with you for being so weak in this lethal world full of darkness. For letting others hurt you, over and over again. I have fought with you, screamed at you, turned my back on you to punish you. Today I know that all that I wanted was for you to be happy so my love for you wouldn’t hurt me so much.
Are you in a better place now? Was all of it worth it?
I want you to know that I’m still here, fighting the demons that I seem to have inherited from you. That I am not going to let them bring me down, and that I’m not angry at you anymore.
You once told me that I was heartless. People might think this of me. They will never know the truth.
I refuse to become you….
I love you
Always
L
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