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hey, I really want to get this out.
but I have no one to talk to at this time.
I am 20 years old, and I have like 2 friends maybe 3.
I grew up living in a shell, since I was a kid I used to stay in my room, enjoying my TV, doing my homework, playing games and listening to music.
My parents tried to make me get to know other people, to make me leave my room, to go on weddings, to give me courage to be able to go onto the dance floor and dance with other kids who were having fun.
I just couldn't and I don't know why, I don't know why I was scared and ashamed.
then my brother got into an accident which led to him not being able to walk again, my parents became depressed and stressed, the medical treatment was in our country not possible so we traveled to an another country and we are living there right now.
You know, new country, new language, new traditions, new everything.
Due to the stress and depression, my parents didn't even care to make new friends in the new country, so I basically grew up with no people around me, only my family.
now I am 20, and I am feeling that I am craving for talking to people, I want to have friends I want to be heard I want to be seen, I want to be seen as this strong confident girl.
I am too scared, too scared to talk to people because I don't know how to, I tried and ended up misunderstanding some situations, because I've never been in situations like these as I was younger.
I feel that I am not likeable, that people laugh at me when they turn around, that they think I am stupid, I am so insecure about the way I talk, I am so insecure about my whole life, my whole appearence, I am insecure about everything.
I turn red when I see people that I know on the streets, sometimes I change my way because I know that I would meet certain people, and when I speak I just become so nervous and say stupid things.
I am so lonely.
I know what to do, I have to build up the courage I have to talk even though I would say wrong things, and that everybody makes mistakes.
I don't know why I can't do these things.
sometimes I think, that everybody has a reason to live, but I don't
then why am I here?
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I hope this helps:
I've been getting more confident by watching confident people online and learning from them. (Always remember that too much confidence can also be a bad thing.)
I've been fighting insecurities by convincing myself that no one cares as much as they do. There are billions of people out there who all have their own lives. They barely have time for their own lives. What would make them care about mine?
I don't know my reason to live either, but food is good, nature is funky, and potatoes are cool.
Stay strong, stranger<3
Replythank you so much and yes it helps, it helps knowing that someone actually read and heard what I am saying, thank you :)
ReplyYou don't need to build up courage. You just need to do something a little different and a little new tomorrow. Something a little different than what you did today. No one is laughing at you, and if they did that would be because of the weaknesses they are suffering, nothing related to you.
2 friends is more than 1, 3 is more than 2. Whenever I am stressed out I make a list, I put a few small things on there and just by getting it done I feel better. Like doing laundry, cleaning, or changing a light bulb.
Insecurity is normal, but you can't let it be the main thing you hear and feel. You need to realize that no one knows the perfect answer to most things...that is life. But you should watch your favorite show, listen to your favorite music or do things that you enjoy. Don't overthink it...do everything one day and thing at a time and just realize you have unlimited potential. Believe.
Replythe list idea is really good, I will start doing it, and I hope that things will get better,
thank you for replying, it made me feel better
Reply