What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I'm 19 and a catholic and I want to have sex, but I feel like it's wrong until I get married. Recently, I chose to not wait, but bad things started happening and I thought it's my fault. Therefore, I promised God that I will go back to practicing celibacy in exchange for my family's safety. I still want to have sex, I want to explore myself and my sexual fantasies... but I don't know if I should. I'm also afraid that once I lose my virginity, I will regret it. I'm so confused.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I wish my first husband had cheated on me
That way, the responsibility of having s e x with him would have been someone's other than mine. Yuck....
-
Let's talk
Hey, Dr_A here! I found this site a couple of months ago and have been offering support to many people on here with mental health, and other medical conditi...
Did God create humans to be sexually frustrated? Is God the God of sexual frustration? Or is the real God bigger than that?
ReplyVirginity isn’t a real thing. You’re not ‘losing’ your status as a virgin, you’re gaining sexual experience.
It’s not your fault that bad things happened around the time you changed your mind. God probably has bigger things to worry about, they’re not going to be focussed solely on punishing you for doing something natural, when there’s so many other things they could be fixing.
Replysame 😭
The max I do is masturbate (just clitoris stimulation), and hell that's without penetration cause it scares me and I feel like I'm doing something dirty.
Heck even after I do it I feel so shameful, 😭😭
Hope you get the answers you want. I'll piggyback and read them too cause we in the same position (you ain't alone sister/brother ✌🏼)
ReplyOmg i feel the same way, masturbation feels so shameful but i learned its normal for everyone and I think sometimes you just need to normalize it.
ReplyHello. Middle aged male here, not religious, and a swinger so have had plenty of experience with sex.
To start, it's 100% natural to start wanting to have sex for people who are your age. As our bodies develop, it's instinct that we want to reproduce. That said, we understand the desire is there for the purpose of reproduction but we also know that sex feels good which is why people do it over and over again...while using some form of birth control/protection so they can have the fun of sex without the responsibilities that come along with parenthood.
That said, I don't think you should feel bad about having these kinds of feelings. Moving on, however, you have to decide what to do with these feelings.
It sounds like, at some recent moment, you had some type of experience but, following that, there was some trauma surrounding your family. You are religious so it's easy for you to believe that you were being punished for acting on your craving for sex. I'm not religious so I would consider this a fallacy. Essentially, it's just by pure coincidence that these events happened at around the same time but neither of them have anything to do with the other but that is, again, coming from someone who isn't religious. I've known too many religious folks to do some very non-religious things and when we see them again, later, they are all just doing well and moving about life as usual. No harm or misfortune came to them. From a religious perspective, I can't imagine why God would punish you for such a thing but leave the others be as if they can do what they want and He will turn a blind eye but you will certainly be punished. That makes no sense to me but there may be more to it, from a religious perspective, that I'm not aware of. There is a good video about a cause/effect experiment, about fallacy, done by Darren Brown and a group of about 10 volunteers.
They are locked into a room with many, many random items and, above the door, there is a large digital counter display. They are told that if the number above the door, which started at "0", would get above some number (I don't remember what the target was but we'll call it "20"), the door for the room would unlock and they could have and split the lot of cash that was on the table just outside. They are all trying multiple actions with the many items in the room and, after several minutes, there is a ding and the number increases from "0" to "1". They get excited and discuss what actions they were taking just before the number incremented so they could figure out which of those actions they needed to replicate so they could, of course, get the number to increment again from "1" to "2" and then from "2" to "3" and so on and so forth so they could win the cash. They were terribly excited for a brief moment but became frustrated when they were replicating their actions but the number wasn't going up. They started trying other actions with other items - throwing balls into the air, hitting on the drums loudly, pouring water from one cup into another, running on the treadmill, etc. Eventually, the number did go up again from "1" to "2" and, again, they tried to replicate those actions with no luck. In the end, it was revealed that they, in fact, had no control of the number over the door at all. In a back room, there was a small aquarium with a laser passing through the glass (invisible beam like used for a garage door opener) from one side of the tank to the other. There were a few small goldfish in the tank and if they happened to swim through that area, it would break the beam which would, in turn, increment the number. Ah, all of this for a fallacy. I love it. They tried, they tried so very hard, to equate their actions in that room to the incrementation of the number over the door but they were totally unrelated. And this, I think, is what happens often in life. When two events happen around the same time, we instinctively, and incorrectly I might add, assume that one event has caused the other. This can happen, true, but I think we TRY TO MAKE A CONNECTION even if there really isn't one. Great video and worth a watch if you can find it (probably 10 to 20 min long).
And now moving on to the actual act of being pleasured weather that's you pleasuring yourself or experiencing these things with a partner.
Again, I'm not religious and, maybe even crazier, is that my wife and I are swingers. We don't find these topics taboo and none of our swinger friends do either. We simply treat this as a fun activity. I want to go fishing with a friend so I do. That's a fun activity that we enjoy doing so we choose to do it together and with our friends. My wife wants to go shopping with a friend so she does. That's a fun activity that we enjoy doing so we choose to do it together with our friends. The same can be said for shooting pool, having a few drinks, or having sex. It's crazy, to us, that people love sex, people are having sex, but for some strange reason people aren't suppose to talk about this fun activity or do it with others. I think, for most, they associate sex with love and they assume that if you're going shopping, err, I mean having sex, it must mean that you're also falling in love. I'm not in love with the guy I went fishing with, my wife isn't in love with the girl she went shopping with, neither of us are in love with the people we had drinks with last weekend, but we did these things together and they were still fun which is why we did them. Same for sex...well, for us anyway. We like being on our side of the fence because we appreciate that we can do this fun activity with others and enjoy the impulses most others try to suppress for the sake of their religion, their marriage, etc. Not us, when we see someone we'd like to sleep with, we discuss and then make a move. If it pans out, great, we had a great time and move on. If it doesn't work out, no big deal, maybe next time. It's nice to be able to do these things, though, and talk about our experiences openly with the folks who are also in our lifestyle. People want to do these things and they want to talk about these things or ask questions but we're often "programmed" at church or at home by our parents that we shouldn't do these things and shouldn't talk about them with others. Trust me when I say it's much easier on our side of the fence. But, I'm not trying to change your point of view.
For now, I've explained that it's natural for you to have these feelings. I explained that, from a non-religious point of view, I doubt very seriously that your sexual activity caused the trauma your family recently dealt with. And I explained, from a non religious point of view again, that I appreciate my lifestyle because it allows me act on these feelings of desire and to talk about them openly with my friends.
Your take on all of this will very well be different and that's quite alright. I'm not hear to ask you to life a lifestyle like me, to stop going to church, or to have sex. I'm asking you to take a deep breath and think about all of this.
I wonder what the religion says about masturbation? Is this an activity you are allowed to partake in? I see another commenter said that they stimulate just on the outside and avoid penetration to, I guess, stay on the "right side of the tracks". Really, though, and I've had enough sexual partners to know this for fact, everyone likes something different. When you are masturbating, you should use this alone time to explore your body and try new things to see what you like or don't like. This is information you can relay to your partner, later, when you feel comfortable. If you stimulate just the outside, this is a great start and may be "your thing" but you may be missing out if you don't also try other things like penetration and stimulating the g-spot. I've been with women that can only "finish" if they're stimulated on the outside, some only if they're stimulated on the inside, some have to be stimulated by both simultaneously, etc. I don't think you'll know what to expect until you fully relax and try new things. If what your doing doesn't feel good to you, then mark it off your list and don't do it again. If what you're trying feels great, keep that on the list and do it again on another day.
And now, having said all of that, I make note that you said "you're afraid that once you lose your virginity, you'll regret it." That line along pretty much sums this up with where you stand. It sounds like you're not quite ready to cross that bridge and that's ok. Some folks wait just because they want to wait, some folk wait for marriage because of their religion, some folks wait because their parents asked them to, and some folks just make that decision on their own. Don't let yourself down by doing ANYTHING that you don't feel comfortable with or something you think you'll regret later.
It's strange coming from this angle. Because of my lifestyle, I'm just so open about these things but we don't push others into this or into doing anything they aren't comfortable with. Then it wouldn't be fun, you see.
No matter what you choose, I hope all goes well for you and that you will, in time, become more comfortable with these actions/topics.
Good Luck!
ReplyNot op, but just wanted to say that’s a really thorough, well thought out answer and an interesting point of view :)
ReplyGlad you liked that and I hope, even if this person doesn't respond, that they will at least find the time to read it so they can relax a bit.
Thanks!
ReplyHi, thank you for sharing your point of view. This helped be calm down a bit. I think what you said about being punished makes sense... but I also want to answer your question on how religion view masturbation. In religious perspective, our body is God's temple, therefore, we must treat it with respect and care. That means masturbating is wrong as it's disrespecting the temple of God. I also struggle with this, but I have been feeling less guilty masturbating. I'm really thankful for your comment, it helped me stop blaming myself for bad things that happened to my family recently. Thank you again.
ReplyI appreciate you explaining things regarding masturbation from the religious perspective. Learned something new today and it's not even lunch time yet. Nice.
Wishing you the very best on "this journey".
Good Luck!
ReplySave it for marriage. If you don't, God isn't going to punish your family's safety. This is about your relationship with God Himself, not through anyone else. All human beings are not perfect and we all make mistakes every single day. So with that being said, save sex for marriage. It is sacred. It is designed within a marriage. It's some weird spiritual science to it. Think about it, our culture is so sexualized, which explains why they're so many divorces. It's cuz of how much sex their is outside of marriage, porn, tinder, music, hollywood, etc. It's sad how this nation of young people are being raised with this normalcy.
Reply