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Well, here I am trying to make myself heard while still remaining anonymous. I have so much to say to you! so much!! So much to ask!!
You know how life has been since you left after a god damn whatsapp message saying it's over? Multiple crying spells, multiple therapists, multiple dark thoughts, multiple dark nights, multiple gloomy mornings. Why on earth did I deserve this for loving you?
What was my fault? How could I have such genuine & intense feelings for someone who was all fun and games..and that's not even the worst part. It's been 3 years and I am hopelessly sitting in my room still trying to make my mind accept the reality while you just rang in 2022 with your new lover or victim, idk honestly!!
I tried everything to get over you, it's as if you have tied yourself to my subconscious and I can't seem to shake you off. Feels like an addiction which I know is going to end my life and I am still craving it. I am tired now..why cant I accept things for what they are. That you lied each time you looked into my eyes, held my face, kissed me and told me you loved me it was only to get access to my body. Nothing more. You called me all kind of nasty shit, you proved me unworthy of love and I am still sitting collecting pieces of me and searching for my original soul. Why and how did I deserve this?
Do I even cross your mind is the question I keep on asking myself or are those thoughts replaced by this new love of yours? You moved on in seconds from something as intimate & passionate as we had. I am coming across as so weak to myself right now, the only justification I got is my feelings were genuine and hence I am paying for it. You know my therapist says I need to feel disgusted by whatever you did & then develop indifference. I want to! I should be so pissed off & disgusted by you. But tell me what do I do with this huge chunk of feelings that I have for you. How do I silence my mind & heart which only can think of you. I always believed people are inherently good, you proved me wrong. You changed me from the core.
If only it was as easy for me to move on as it was for you...
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Do I even cross your mind is the question I keep on asking myself or are those thoughts replaced by this new love of yours? This hit me,I feel sometimes if I m the only one who took it so seriously ...
ReplyI think at times the worst part is seeing them create exact same memories with someone new. Keeps you wondering, if at all, your face crossed their mind in that moment.
ReplyYes because his face crosses mine even when I read `heart` or `pain` or `december` written somewhere and all those songs I heard when with him have been poisoned because I can`t hear them anymore without tears in my eyes and I see him totally unaffected at times , he used to show that he was greatly affected but only when in front of me , he`s out there flirting with other people and he`s having new crushes and making memories and I m right where he left me.
ReplyYou are echoing my feelings. Can feel each and every word.
Reply