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Another day , another depressing night.
4 months ago · · Need advise,
Since I've got depressed couple of months ago I'm still not fully recovered i still hate the night time when everyone sleeps & I'm left with my own thoughts it can feel it .. it's killing me slowly.
I wish you were here but at the same time i don't , me & someone who is supposed to be "my best friend" are not in a good terms at the moment i hate it when she keeps screwing up everything! Sometimes i be grateful that we don't talk again but there is something inside me keeps making me feel that im guilty & should apologize for something that i didn't do.
I kept holding this pointless relationship just because of the amount of years we have been together but the effort? Didn't heard of it & i didn't even see it.
How can someone sleeps peacefully in his bed when he is in a bad terms with d so close to him? We are growing up & adults so maybe its time to respond to to my last message & end it with me??.
I have always been an easy going person i don't get mad easily i can pretend that it didn't happen couple of time until you notice by yourself that you did something wrong & if you haven't notice i tell in a polite way because no one reads minds right? & she is totally okay with it rand apologize but she keeps doing it and screwing everything up until i get so mad like i rarely even get to this point with anyone but one of closest friends! Is that even normal?? , i have been trying to hang out with her for a year running behind her like a Kid! She always make a dumb excuses telling me how busy she is with college (both of us are busy with college) i still make time & give a specific date i don't just shut doors! Meanwhile she hangs out with her collage friends & we talked about this before couple of times , its been an entire year she graduated and its me making the same effort and asking again wanna hang out? I see you hanging with your friends "i cannot this week family time & btw they invite me i don't invite anyone " I'm so tired of raising a kid she left me on read for a month now i sometimes feel guilty thinking it's ridiculous of me to argue about this? I hate being in a bad terms with anyone i just wanna leave in peace but she left me hanging.
Was she there in my toughest times? No.
Was i there when she talked to me seeking for help because of her anxiety while i was drowning in my depression? Yes i throw all my thoughts away and did my bestt.