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Every day I wake up feeling like a failure. I feel lazy, I feel like I should be doing more. Let me give you a bit of background. I'm almost 24. Still living with the parents. I'm working 24 hours a week. About to get some more hours on top of that doing a small weekly side job. When I'm at work, I consider myself to be a very hard worker. I'm currently a janitor. I clean 5 different buildings. Very large buildings. I'm basically doing 40 hours of work in three right hour shifts. I told my boss I need more time to get everything clean. He simply says it's not in the companies budget. So I cram alot of work into those 3 shifts. I don't even take a break. This job is not something I enjoy. I've been here about 7 months now. Before that I had a lot of time off. I've been depressed most of my adult life. I had some jobs that I quit the first week cause it just seemed to overwhelming. This job I can bare. I'm actually quite used to it now. However it's not the best money. I don't even know if I would be able to handle it full time. It's very physically tasking. A lot of dirty work and heavy lifting. I never had a high esteem of myself. I feel a little better about myself cause I'm doing something at least. But 24 hours a week will not cut it once I decide to move out. Or once I need to get my own insurance which will be in 2 years. I just feel like I wouldn't be able to mentally handle a full time job. Unless it was something I actually enjoy. Which isn't much in this world. I also have zero friends, no girlfriend. So there is nothing to really look forward to after work. I just feel like a failure. Every night before I go to sleep, I just can't stop my mind from thinking "Is this all life will be for me?" "Will I ever be proud of myself?" It doesn't help how alone I am. Sure I have parents and I'm grateful for everything they have done and continue to do for me. However they really don't understand the emotional pain I've been through. I don't blame them for anything, but they just don't understand. I have tried talking to them. They just tell me I'll meet someone. Things will get better. Despite not being the perfect parents, I love them alot. I want to make the proud, I just never feel like I'm doing enough.
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When I left school I worked full time behind a shop counter in a department store and this led me to have a nervous breakdown so I could only handle part time work. I did telemarketing off and on for twenty years. I worked for sixteen hours a week and I had part welfare for myself and my children. When this telemarketing became too much for me I would have my welfare payment put up until I felt well enough to go back to work again. I was lucky that I found work that suited me as I was very good at selling over the phone. Also later on I wrote a book and had it published. There must be some type of work out there that you can do and are good at so start looking. As for a girlfriend how about trying dating apps.
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