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7 months ago · · Guilt, · Explicit
guilt is an odd emotion. it is usually absolutely unnecessary, but without it we would be cruel and unfiltered beings.
guilt is something that weighs me down every day, but if I got rid of it I would probably be a fucking bitch.
there are days when I can't even fucking talk to my family because I'm unnecessarily guilty for things. I feel guilty for everything, every fucking move I make, but who would I even be without it?
what would I do?
I know that I'm not near as bad of a person that I think I am, but the fact that I've ever caused any pain to anyone hurts me so fucking much.
and my coping mechanisms are cutting and jerking off, and those are two of the most fucking guilt inducing activities. and I'm someone that doesn't feel shame for jerking off.
you can tell me that guilt is a wasted emotion, but you don't know what I'm hiding from you, you don't know what's on my second twitter account, you don't know what I do at two am and you don't know the things I've seen in my head.
I don't really see red anymore. I just have vision clouded by the urge to say sorry again, and the urge to admit to all my sins in a church I don't attend.