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My life is gone
6 months ago · · Marital Stress, · Explicit
I think it’s really stupid how much chances get taken away from you because of your mental health. Like my whole future is ruined because of my mental health. And I’m trying so hard to not blame myself for the way my future is about to turn out or I’m trying so hard to not blame myself for not getting back into boarding school but it’s so hard because I put this onto myself by getting attached to someone which is so fucking stupid. Like someone cost me my whole future, my dream, my life. And I know there will be other opportunities for me. Something new. But it’s so sad when this is how I thought my whole life would go. Because I was so happy to spend it in boarding school. And now I have to learn how to be happy. But I’m so traumatised. I’m really fucking traumatised of everything that’s happened to me. Like my friend said to me “did you say anything” and I was like “yeah” and she goes “oh I thought you were talking to yourself” and that literally reminded me of when I used to hear the voices and when I would talk to them. I can’t watch a movie scene without being traumatised of what happened to me. I can’t do shit. And I can’t stop blaming myself. That the person I got attached to is living life the way she wants. She’s laughing and having good people around her and she’s not thinking about me. But I’m stuck here, taking pills and trying not to blame myself. And trying really hard to get over her. It’s so stupid. I just cantttttt