What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
This is going to sound awfully petty and nonsensical. Long story short, 2021 was a traumatic year in my standards: I went from excelling to plummeting academically, I gained terrible habits like ruminating, I was insecure so I said stupid stuff, I wasted so much time that I may as well have been out of education for a year, I fell out with everyone around me, I lost the faith of everyone who trusted in me to do well and the respect of my friends, and now they scorn me in a backhanded way, and (I apologise for lamenting over trivial concerns when there's people who have trouble that's out of their control) it all really got to me that I started having suicidal thoughts and hyperventilating episodes (panic attacks?) My rejection from my dream university only sealed the deal, and it's a hundred times worse to know that I didn't start preparing properly or early enough that caused it. I deeply regret everything I did in the last two years, and I think my insecurity and toxic attitude towards academics (I'm not fully blaming it but I do think it was partially nurtured by my quite toxic school environment) initiated this all, so at the end of 2021 and this month I've reflected and reflected and reflected. I understand that I hold full responsibility though, including letting myself be nurtured by quite toxic influences. I've been reflecting since throughout 2021 and it's never ending. I really want to improve myself, but I'm in such a lower place than I was before: I still have overthinking tendencies, I am still not pragmatic, I've lost my attention to detail, and I feel like I'm struggling to understand and focus in my classes, forgetting things people have said to me in the day (when previously I could recall the exact conversation from years ago) and just getting nothing done. I never ever panic in exams and can always think on my feet when there's a particularly difficult question, yet in my recent test I literally panicked so much that I couldn't even think through the whole test properly when some of it was quite simple. I can't waste any more time like this, because I'm literally about to enter uni. How can I get back to my pre-2020 self?
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
undergrad major? high school?
it's really hard not to attach myself to grades. it's so hard for me to fully comprehend that i am more than just A's, GPAs, and test scores. i bet countless mo...
-
Leaving things behind for mental health
I recently had to leave my boarding school due to my mental health. Having 2/3 panic attacks every single day and having intrusive thoughts then screaming real...
These changes shouldn’t be something feared but welcomed because it means an opportunity to look around you for things that were outside your expectations. It’s alright to overthink because you can channel that into positive energy, an driving force for planning your future. There will always be a chink in your expectations but this is a good sign to start all over again. Rethink your interests. University degrees are a dime a dozen these days, and honestly what most employers look for is experience. Get that an any degree trumps it. This sounds like an academic burn out. I suggest you take some quality not quantity but quality time to fully let yourself go and feel all those feelings. Then when you come back, start a plan of attack for your future
ReplyHave you tried practicing mindfulness? It's super hard to get out of toxic thought patterns, but the first step is to notice them. Don't respond with judgment to yourself, but try to analyze why you're feeling this way and if you truly believe it. A thought is just a thought, and many times we believe it to be true and give negative thoughts power over us. Sometimes the negative thoughts create a negative reality. Practicing habits that make you feel happy and productive will strengthen those paths in your brain and ideally the habit will feel easier the more you do it.
I believe you can achieve success. You seem very driven. While getting ahead academically in high school can help, it's not the most important or impressive thing. Your well-being is more important. Learn from the past year and forgive yourself. That's probably the most important thing you can do to move on and grow as a person.
Also maybe don't try to be your past self, but an older more experienced you.
Reply