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My Timed Entry
4 months ago · · Stress, · Explicit
I don't really know what to say I never done this, mainly cause I don't trust people. That's a big problem with me is that I have trust issuses i cant trust friends because of it. and its affecting my mental health. im growing up in a household that my friends say is toxic i hate my dad and love my mom. i dont want to talk to anyone about it because last time we ended up with DSS and some may know of this some may not. But i found myself when i was alone with complet strangers not worring any more i didnt miss my family or anyone. I've been cutting latly and some people say that it's just for attention but its not. sometime it feels like im doing it for attention. i have alot of PTSD from when i was little. mainly from my dad. my dad is not the best to deal with. i have nic additction which seems normal now of days. i dont know what to do. ive told my parents about me cutting but some how latter down the line it still seams like its my fault and that i cant get help. im scared and dont know what to do. i think maybe it is my fault that i am like this but its not at least that is what i am told! I don't want to go to threapy mainly because i feel guilty that im telling someone ive never meet all of my problems. i made a promise to myself that when my mom dies i would take my brother and leave but im only 13 and about to turn 14 in 2 1/2 months. i wish this pain on nobody and hope that maybe one day this will be fixed ontop of all the bs thats happening in my life a coulpe years ago i came out as bi-sexual and now im full on gay but i'm always told that im confused or just a chided. its sad really. when i listen to music i feel like someone is yelling at me so i take my headphones out nobodys there. i get yelled at everyday and i will admit some things are my fault but some times i get yelled at for the stupid things. i want to get help but i dont want to spend money because well we have none at least none that i can spend for help im broke were broke and were trying to get into a new house because my brother is sleeping on the couch so i dont want to anybody mainly cause im scared of getting yelled at... and some how its always my fault.
sorry for anybody that read this all the way through but if you know of anything i can do please feel free to let me know! thank you!