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I just want to write everything that is happening right now and I need someone else’s thoughts and advice. First of all I’m suicidal. I found out today that my boyfriend is moving states with his friends and he’s leaving me behind, I saw all the messages on his phone and even his mum has been helping him and planning it. He was talking about the fact he doesn’t care if we end and that we are going to. He is the only reason I ever wanted to do anything good for myself. When I really think about it, I really don’t want this life, I never wanted this life. I don’t want a job or to work, I don’t want fame or money, I wanted love but even that doesn’t last. It’s not even real it’s just a chemical reaction that also helps us repopulate. We are just animals and I’m tired of being hurt over and over again.. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough trying to fit into society and be loved. Why am I even trying or doing this?? Why should I “do it for myself” when I don’t even want it? I’m just scared to kill my self, I’m scared to be alone if my soul takes me somewhere else.. what am I actually meant to do? I don’t belong here and I’m really looking stupid for trying and pretending to want things that I don’t. For what reason is any of us doing this?
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Calm down. First of all, you matter. You're worth. You're loved. C'mon it's his loss if he did this to you. He wants you to feel pathetic, don't let him succeed. The worst thing about these situations is that the emotions are heightened, all you can focus on is the thought of giving up. Think about it, if he doesn't care enough to ask you once, you think he'll care if you take your own life? Never do something like that. I've been there, the reasons might be different but I've been suicidal too. Turns out, all you need at the time is someone to guide you, someone to tell you that you matter. Keep yourself together. Don't let him or anyone break you. Cause let me tell you, You matter.
ReplyYou should not make any boy friend a reason to do good for yourself. You should want to do good for yourself anyway. If you want to know why we are here to live our lives buy and read 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran.
ReplyYou will hear this from others, but: Please see a health center therapist. The reason I say this is that you need to find out what YOU WANT to do in your life. That boyfriend, his mum—those people are plain screwed up! Listening to crazy people will always mess you up. A therapist will suggest things to you, some of which WILL actually HELP you!
Those things you do not want? Stay away from them! Find what you want, go for that!
Look, my life is bad, too. I know how it feels—all too well, I know how it feels. There are things—many things!—in the world which you will actually—not just like—but ENJOY! There are! You just need help finding them!
Would you attempt to rebuild a car all alone? Of course not! You would get help. Well, a human is far more complex than a car. To get yourself working properly, you will need help—same idea! Please contact a suicide hotline, they can suggest persons who can help you.
Please come back here, tell us what happened. Thanks, Dave
ReplyLove is complicated. It's chemical and biological meaning we can't do anything about it. For depressed people, love can drive one mad. It does this to non-depressed people too. I commend you for being loyal and handling this in any way you can, but don't do anything stupid. One thing is for sure, your ex-boyfriend is a dumbass. His lack of communication and inability to allow you to be an induvidual is one reason why your relationship was unhealthy. I could go on about that or I could move to the positive, so let's move to the positives. You're on your own now, and being on your own means that you have no strings attached. You're free to move around, sing, dance, go to clubs, shit make out with a random person while you're there(please don't actually do that, you could get an STI). Anyways, this isn't a time to be sad, go celebrate. Be your own person.
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