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My Little Brother was Gay
4 months ago · · Gay, · Explicit
I found out my little brother was gay a long time ago. (I'm a heterosexual male.) He told me he had a crush on this boy in his fourth grade class and asked if that was weird. I was three years older than him and we got along quite well. Back then, there wasn't really a lot of like the "jokes" with homosexuality, more just ignoring or backlash.
I thought it was weird, but I was like "okay, I'm sure it's just a one time thing." Little later in the year, I went to his class for like a party thing and I saw his crush. Very handsome and the kind of kid everyone admired and never outcasted.
I could tell my brother was very shy and different around him, but others just mistook it as feelings of platonic admiration or overwhelmness(?).
He continued to have a crush on that kid all the way into junior high (aka middle school) and I was kind of sure by then that he was only gay for that boy.
But when he became a freshman (I was a senior), he told me he just developed a crush on our PE coach. He was a really handsome man in his late twenties. He was popular with the female students and was single. He was often compared to Brad Pitt, who was young at the time.
So he was gay. I grew up with a gay brother. It really was normal; I didn't think it was wrong but I couldn't imagine myself having sexual feelings for another man. But I was fine with it. It didn't hurt anyone, and I know my lil bro didn't do things for nothing.
But when I entered college, I became distanced from him. I moved to a different state, studied like crazy in order to prepare to become a doctor, and I also got my first girlfriend. We lost contact after a while, and I didn't hear a lot from him. The fact that he was gay was the least of my worries; I was literally used to it. Hearing about new crushes (men) and all that stuff.
But in my third year of college, while I was working on an essay around midnight, I got a call from my sobbing mother that my brother had died.
Naturally, I wanted to know why, where, when, and how. He commited suicide by drowning himself in his school's pond. My brother had come out of the closet to my parents, and they were furious, shocked, and confused. That same day, he confessed his feelings to an older boy he was friends and got rejected.
I regretted not being able to talk to him. One side of me hated him for not letting me know about this, but the other half of me wanted to beat myself up so bad.
After my brother's death, I switched my career to more of a mental health field. I became a psychiatrist about ten years later, and now I'm married with two kids who I both love very much. My brother's death was something that made me what I am now. I open my heart to homosexuals who are suffering, and sharing my story makes me feel a little better too.
Thank you for reading this.