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We need to talk
4 months ago · · Emotional Pain, · Explicit
He left, he left me alone with all the thoughts inside my brain. Did I help him get out? Yes. Do I regret it? Selfishly yes. I wish he was here instead of living life to the fullest without me. Then he texts me, "We Need to Talk". What am I to say to that? No? Yes? Maybe? The pain he left me with is overbearing, but he wants to "talk"? Two days since he said that. Two excruciatingly long days. The anxiety builds up every night he doesn't call. Is it that bad? Is it so bad he doesn't even want to actually talk about it? When he left the full force of my abandonment issues hit me like a train. Yet here I am sitting on my computer in his sweatshirt typing about how he left me. I only think about him, how he's doing, how I'm so proud and happy for him. But I'm a wreck of a mental breakdown seconds from happening if someone says something wrong to me. Everywhere I go everyone I know knows him or I see him in some place. Why did he have to leave? That's a rhetorical question I know why. He wasn't happy here. He was in so much pain. But now where am I at? Some fantasy land in my brain 24/7 hoping to wish he was just around the corner. He was my safe place. A person who knew me before I was fucked over mentally and physically. When he left it was like losing that child in me. How can I be so selfish? I just want the best for him. And I'm hoping that he wants the best for me. But for now me and him can just talk.