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I’ve been cruel.
Cruel to someone who claims to love me more then life itself.
I’ve already given myself to another man yet that man doesn’t want me in the same way. He uses many women this way.
Why do I continue to want him?
To dream of him. I don’t want these dreams.
Karma one might say.
The man I want doesn’t want me yet the man that wants me suffers as I do not want him.
The perpetual pool of my indiscretion continues to swirl.
I feel as if I might drown in it. I know a hand will always be there to pull me out yet I cannot reach for it out of pride.
So I continue to exist.
Simply exist until I see the hand I’ve been looking for dip beneath the cool waters and pull me up for a breath.
A breath I cannot wait to take.
A breath that will send electric shocks through me as it has before.
A breath that will finally make me feel alive.
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Alexander(a)
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I completely understand this, the person I love loves me too, but there is this one boy who I have never liked who has always wanted my heart, but I refuse to give it to him, I would ever want to hurt him but it seems like I'm hurting the person I love by keeping this boy in my life, I unaided him and he unadds me too but it always seems like he finds his way back to me, and has never been out of my mind, I just wonder if he wants me to know he's there to fall back on, but I want the relationship to work out between the bot I love and me, so he stays out of the picture, I have found the best way to keep myself from drowning as you say is to keep my head head up high, just to try and breath on my own, I know by situation is not exactly like yours but i want you to know that I know how it feels to be in that one, I've always tried to keep my distance from other to be sure I don't rely on anyone to keep me afloat, maybe you need time to yourself to keep your own head above water instead of relying on someone else to do so instead.
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