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i'm just a teen. idk if this is normal but i feel so much pressure even if i'm not doing anything. my head always feels heavy so i'm going to let it out on this post. i can't do anything, i just want to move out of my house. both of my parents are disappointed at me for so long. the more time passes by i feel guilt. they both fight, and get mad at really easily over small things. i really can't move on. i'm just stuck in the same place for so long. i want to get better and improve but i need some time to heal, recover myself from my mental state. we recently moved into a smaller house because of our financial issues. my dad suffers from high blood pressure and can get angry really easily. sometimes, even out of hand. he abuses all of us both mentally and physically. i tried to convince my mom to seek some help but she just sees it as a "family matter" and be solved really easily. but in the end, it keeps getting worse. my dad is the only person who provides us with money and everything. and that is important to my mom because without it, we have no other choice left. me and siblings are disappointed in everything and can't focus on anything are stressed, they are so young, i'm the oldest one out of it and i don't want them to grow up in such environment like this. i've had several breakdowns and i'm stressed over everything. i can't control or reach out any help because i'm young and we leave far away from our other relatives. both of my parents barely spend time together with each other, my mom often locks herself in her room and cry. i really want to grow up and do something but by the time, it'll get even more worse and i have fear of it. i'm not really good at anything, i have low grades, i'm not social enough etc. both of my parents aren't supportive of my dreams. i really enjoy doing art, sculpturing, graphic designing, etc. but losing my interest in all of this slowly. i can't help but just sit and cry.
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Instead of being in her room crying your mum should get a job and move herself and you and your siblings out of this house and leave your nasty dad. I can't understand why she stays. You have the day you move out to look forward to and this day will come. You being supportive of your dreams is what matters so try not to lose interest in them because these are something to strive for and you need to work after you move out and begin your adult life. In the meantime keep away from your dad as much as possible and to lessen your stress play relaxation music, lie down and while breathing deeply relax yourself all over. Have peaceful and calm thoughts.
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