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Since I switched to private school (non-religious) from being in public schools my whole life, anxiety and stress levels seem to be higher than ever. Living with social anxiety is anything but easy, constantly feeling invisible eyes on you and the guilt that you are always making a fool out of yourself is a horrid feeling. This.. thing has always told me that I am not as smart as everyone else, I should be able to do things but I can't and that makes me stupid. I'm failing math class. I've always hated the subject. My teacher says that nobody "likes" math, but hell I can't stand it. My class has five kids. One 8th grader, 2 other freshmen and myself, and a junior. I don't speak in that class. My teacher doesn't call on us, he expects us to ask questions for ourselves. Remember the whole anxiety thing? Yeah, it's kind of very difficult for me to ask questions when my mind is worrying about thousands of other things. I sit in the front, my eyesight isn't great. Having people behind and in front of me makes me want to scream. I don't understand anything he teaches, I wish I could. It's so hard to focus when you can't make yourself think about only one thing. And it's so hard to understand when you can't allow yourself to ask for help. My parents have noticed my issue, they took me to meet my new therapist just yesterday. She tells me that she can help me, but I don't think I will ever be able to grow out of this. It's almost a body part, if you (somehow) remove it I will be missing something. (TW) I have other issues too, eating disorder, depression, OCD. I dont intentionally self harm. Sometimes my brain tells me I should.
love always,
e
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