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My grandfather gradually went senile, losing his memory and his sanity. To the point where he forgot who we were. Now, I'm watching my mom go down that road and there's nothing I can do to stop it. She forgets everything, doesn't want to do any kind of exercises that would help. If I tell her something, she will ask me again a minute later. I don't know how to handle this.
I'm away living in a different country. I'm single, have only what I call activity friends and my cat here.
I feel the clock ticking and I know it will get worse and worse. What do we do when my mom won't remember anyone. What will my dad do. I don't want to go back to my home country, but it feels like I'm abandoning them.
I feel. like I've let them down so bad. I'm far away, I have no family of my own, I'm starting a new career so my finances are minimal. My social support system is minimal.
I've been feeling so alone for so long. Amd that will only get much much worse when my parents will be gone.
It's like I'm on borrowed time.
I don't have the enerfy I had 10 years ago to make all the drastic changes. Move countries, start anew, go out and make friends, date. Have hope.
I feel so tired. I'm pushing and pushing. And I can't seem to get it right.
I can t even find a proper therapist, I tried 5 or 6 already, they all sucked.
I'm tired of everything..
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It sounds like we are in a similar situation, and if I may presume, it sounds like you come from one of those cultures where it's beaten into our heads that we are responsible for taking care of our parents in their old age & infirmity. Many parents in these cultures have children specifically for that reason: to create something that will support and take care of them in their old age.
Regardless, let's strip this down to facts. You did not have a choice in your birth; they chose to have you. They were adults fully aware of things like old age, especially if there's a history of dementia in your family. For them to heap the burden of themselves upon you, their child, is pretty selfish. I'm putting it in stark terms like this so that you understand that you shouldn't feel any guilt or shame just because you didn't drop your entire life to run back and play nurse to them.
In my case, I tried my best to educate my parents about health, proper diet, exercise while they were young enough to prevent their decay. Instead they ignored me. They paid the price. I feel bad of course because they are my parents, but as for feeling guilt, shame or obligation to sacrifice myself, I don't feel that at all. I know I did everything I could.
Whether you arrive at the same conclusion as I did, I think it would be good if you take a hard, objective, emotionless look at your situation. Determine what, if anything, you "owe" them. Do what you feel is proper and within your means. But definitely do not succumb to guilt and shame. Those things are human constructs, designed to hurt. Do what you can, and be at peace with that.
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