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My life changed almost 2 years ago when my sister passed away. It is unfair. She was young and had no faults. Why her? She had to pay the price of someone elses addictions. Why did we have to be there at that exact time? Why did he have to be there at that exact place? I feel guilty everyday. I didnt do enough. As much and I tried protecting my siblings I didnt. I failed as the oldest. I could have done more but I wasnt thinking straight. I left like a coward. I begged people to help me they just stared. I will never forget that day. My sister laying the with a cloth covering her. A woman holding me back telling me not to see her. After pronounced dead, I dropped to the floor and hit the concrete floor yelling That should have been me. The next days were terrible. I couldnt sleep and wanted to throw up. I felt guilty breathing and eating. My body ached and there was an indescriable feeling in my chest. Having to see her in a casket was heartbreaking. I would beg her to get up. I never wanted to leave her. After funerals everyone goes back to their normal lives but we never did. To this day we never went back to normal. I carry this heavy pain all the time that I dont know how much longer I can hold on. I still have to see the man resposible for this in courts. My body feels alot and my mind starts going off. I feel like vomitting whenever i see him. I start getting restless and have the urge to scream a kick the seats. I want to throw a tantrum and hit everything infront of me. But I have to hold back for the sake of the case. Wherever my sister is, I hope she is happy. I hope she forgives me. Whenever I see her friends pictures all I can do is imagine her there. Imagine her going to school again. Imagine her dancing and singing. It is hard to sleep in the bedroom we shared. Her empty bed and untouched clothes. I miss her so much. I want to hug her. I want to tell her I love her. I truly do.
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You have my deepest sympathy and I hope this man gets what he deserves.
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